It’s another sunny day in Vancouver!  Well in SURREY but I bet it’s nice in Van too.

 

I had a pretty long day yesterday starting bright and early in the AM… it was a bit tough getting up and going after CKY Sunday night.

 

Sunday was a super nice day.  Once I finished my blog, I went for a 12km bike ride.  I had a lot of energy and was giving er pretty good.  I washed my truck after my ride (well a machine did) and then picked up Allison, Jeff and our buddy Randy from my dad’s place.  I drove us all downtown to the Commercial Dr area where we rendezvoused with my cousins and her friends for a pre-show BBQ.

 

CKY put on a great show!  I wasn’t totally sure how into it I would be since I only have listened to the album Infiltrate.Destroy.Rebuild. for the most part.  I downloaded the newest album the other day but it has a hard time getting rotation over Rancid… anything does these days.

 

CKY ended up played a ton of songs from the album I know and the ones they played I didn’t know were rocking nonetheless.  Pretty early on in the show a young guy in a bright yellow shirt came up to me and told me I had spoke at his school in Port Alberni on the Island.  I can’t remember his name, but this hyper active Wildman should be the poster boy for limiting ones Red Bull intake, much like I am “the poster boy for drinking and driving” (according to Global news last night anyways).  This kid was bouncing off the walls.

 

He ended up fandangling the bouncer into letting us into the private area beside the stage to watch the show. There was a much better view here.  Me and “Yellow shirt” rocked out the entire show.  He was like a caged chinchilla in a thunderstorm frantically bouncing, screaming and basically just going nuts the entire show.  At least he was having a good time.  If by chance you are reading this “Yellow shirt”, sorry I can’t remember your name, thanks for getting me the sick seat beside the stage at the show and lay off the Red Bull you maniac!

 

I was ready for home after CKY, but my passengers were more down with hitting a lounge.  I told them I had an hour or so left in me, and so we went on the search for somewhere good.  We settled for somewhere decent because the good place was full and I gradually got more and more tired until I said let’s go.  Whatever DD wants he’s gonna get it…  (Anyone notice the NOFX reference there?)

 

I got to bed Sunday around 2am.  I was up at 6:15am.  I picked up Morgin (PMSS student) in Port Moody on the way to North Vancouver.  Yesterday was the ICBC / RCMP Impaired Driving Campaign Launch for the summer.  Morgin was super cool and a really mature guy, especially for just graduating.  He was happy to help out in any way.  If you are reading this thanks for coming out yesterday man.  Good to meet you and we will hang out sooner than later.

 

Morgin and I got to North Vancouver yesterday with plenty of time.  The day was absolutely amazing.  It was a bluebird with a little breeze coming off the water.  We were at Waterfront Park, which overlooks Burrard Inlet and has downtown Vancouver in the backdrop on one side and the Northshore Mountains on the other – AMAZING!

 

There were some pretty heavy hitters there yesterday from ICBC, the RCMP, media and a multitude of government agencies.  I met the Solicitor General, the chief coroner, MLA’s and more VIPs than I can remember.  I find it amusing when they introduce themselves to me (some Mohawked dude in a wheelchair covered in punk rock stickers) with their VIP titles and I just say “hi I am Kevin.”  I don’t really have a fancy title.

 

Regardless of status and titles, we all sat (well they stood) as equals as we did our pieces in front of the media.  I spoke after the Solicitor General and Norm Geaument from the RCMP.  I felt the conference went pretty good.  I was happy with my speech and the overall turnout.

 

Morgin and I did media interviews for a while afterwards and then I drove him back to Port Moody.  I would’ve chilled with him more but I had a spa appointment again with Kim at Look & Feel Fabulous yesterday afternoon. 

 

Kim did another number on me yesterday, and aside from feeling tired (not from the spa but from my lack of sleep), I was feeling (and still am) awesome!

 

After my treatment with Kim, we ate at Naam on West 4th again.  I feel like my life has come around full circle these days as I now eat at vegetarian restaurants, get regular spas, am single, have a new truck, exercise every day and am really quite mellow on the party front.  It feels AMAZING!

 

After our lunch / dinner I drove to Spanish banks in Vancouver.  It was a beauty day all day yesterday.  I went for a huge bike ride.  I had so much energy that I just kept going, and by the time I was back at the truck I had rode almost 31kms!  I could’ve kept going but I wanted to save some energy for today.

 

My plan for today is kind of open.  I might hit the beach or go shopping.  My mom is coming by soon to help me set-up a cabinet for my hundreds of cds that are a huge eye-sore in my living room.  I think she’s going to help me start decorating too.  I got my LPs in the mail yesterday and them and my CREATURE deck are waiting to find a home on a wall somewhere.

 

I am tempted to go chill with my buddy Randy down in White Rock too, so we’ll see where things go.  I slept in until 10am today and feel like I need to get moving.  Do you ever feel like there just isn’t enough time in the day?  It’s not a bad thing I guess.  I just know that these sunny warm days in BC are numbered so I don’t want to waste even a second.

 

Well that has been my life in the nutshell the past couple of days…  I’ll check in again soon.

 

~: )

 

Kevin

 

 

 

 

I have this reoccurring dream where I am rolling in my wheelchair and then I just stop.  I can move my legs a bit.  I keep trying to move them and they go more and more each time.  I jump up and I can stand.  I am a bit wobbly but I am standing.  I take a step; I take another step.  I jump.  I jump higher.  I think to myself this has to be a dream again.  I convince myself it isn’t a dream.

 

I start to run.  Each step seems so real.  For about a second I contemplate if I should try skateboarding.  I mean I just stood up and it has been years since I skated.  I think I could fall and re-injure myself.  No I want to skate.  I grab somebody’s skateboard.  Conveniently there is always a skater nearby.  I can skate.  I am stoked!!!  I go to the skate shop and buy a new set-up.  It feels so good.  I have a huge session; often times with my buddies I used to skate with and then all of a sudden I wake up.  Damn it was a dream again!

 

Yesterday I lived a tiny piece of that dream…  Don’t get too stoked I still can’t move my legs.  I bought a skateboard yesterday at Coastal Riders.  I plan to start filling up my walls in my place with skate decks and punk and metal LPs.  I bought a CREATURE board and it felt pretty cool to carry a skateboard out of the shop.

 

I wondered if people in the shop were thinking why is the dude in the chair shopping for a skateboard?  Wishful thinking?  It’s a lot like when I bought my mom rollerblades and rolled home with the box on my lap.  I thought it must look funny a dude rolling a wheelchair with rollerblades on his lap.  Maybe I would put them on my feet and just let my feet roll with the chair…. Maybe if they weren’t pink.

 

Apparently some people still think I can walk… I learned this Friday night in White Rock. 

 

It was my friend Anna’s birthday, so a bunch of us had dinner on the beach then went to a karaoke place called the Sandpiper afterwards.  Everyone was having a blast on the dance floor.  I kind of started it up because the place was so tight the only place I could access was the dance floor. 

 

As soon as I rolled inside I felt like a baby dear with a lame leg in a cougar den.  I had this one all over me right from the start.  I tried to be nice and smile and dance a bit but I wasn’t feeling it AT ALL!  It didn’t help that the dude singing karaoke was singing some song I had never heard before, or maybe I had but he was butchering it so bad it wasn’t recognizable.  Thankfully my friends saved me from the drunken coug’ wiggling her (shouldn’t be wearing Lulu Lemon knock-offs) butt in my face.  I am at butt level if you never noticed making matters more intense.

 

Anyways at the end of the night (last dance) my fiend Tamara hopped on my lap and we were swaying to Marvin Gaye’s Let’s Get It On and just laughing and having fun. 

 

Some dude taps me on the shoulder and points at the roof.  I just nodded.  Then he says something, but I hardly here him from way down where I am.  It looks like he said “Get Up.”

 

I think he can’t be saying that then sure enough again he says “Get Up.”

 

I am thinking he is saying “Get Out” and trying to figure out what he is talking about or what I did wrong.  All I was doing was dancing with my friend. 

 

So he gets a bit more abrasive and says “Hey man I work here and you have to get up.”

 

I say “Hey dude I can’t get up” and motion towards the fact that I sitting in a friggin wheelchair – DUH!

 

The guy notices and obviously feels like a total jerk.  Which he should.  I was pretty offended and said “you are a smart one aren’t you”

 

The Hero of the dance floor walked away and muttered something like “go back to dancing with your girls.”

 

It amazed me how people can be so dumb.  I took it as some goon seeing someone having fun and trying to be a hero.  I have stuff like that happen very rarely.  The last time something like that happened was years ago, so Friday night kind of caught me of guard.  I didn’t let it bug me or anything.  I just laughed.  I just laugh each time something like that happens because there is no way I would ever let somebody’s ignorance ruin my day or good time.

 

I was designated driver Friday night for three pretty drunken friends.  They were buddies I hadn’t seen or hung out with in a while, so it was awesome to see them and listen to their emo stories.  Wow I can’t remember the last time I drove a vehicle crammed with drunken dudes.  It could have been a reality show.  Each friend was trying to tell their own story and we’re talking really deep stuff.  They were getting into these heavy stories jammed packed with “I love you Brooksie” and “Hey I was telling a story shut up dude.” Needless to say it was quite entertaining.  I was happy to be the DD and told them any time they need a ride I am game.  Even if we aren’t together that night they can call me for a lift.  I love driving my new truck and have a lot of free time.  Why not DD all my buddies?

 

Craziness aside things have been very good the past couple of days.  I feel happy and am just enjoying every single day.  My spas with Kim at Look and Feel Fabulous are doing so much for me.  I feel good and look good.  After one week I can already see and feel results.  I am riding my bike still regularly too.  It has become the gym for me.  My bike rides are my daily workout. 

 

My mind feels like it is getting clearer and each day I feel happier and happier.  I won’t lie.  I still get the odd negative thought.  I mean I can’t just heal overnight and be 110% all the time. 

 

I noticed something that amused me yesterday while I was on my bike ride.  I think a ton while I am riding and I was thinking about what’s her name.  Some less than positive thoughts and scenarios were entering my brain.  Mid-thought I stopped myself and shook my head and told myself to think positively.  As soon as I stopped shaking my head I noticed that I do this a lot.  Every time I think something negative I just shake my head like those Etch-A-Sketch things.  You just shake it, erase and start over. 

 

To anyone reading this I ask you to try it the next time you get a negative thought.  It could apply to anything you’re dealing with.  As soon as you feel a negative thought or connotation pop in your head just shake it off.  Look at the other side.  Erase the negative and start again.  It really is that easy.

 

That’s my lesson for the day ~: )

 

Speaking of today I need to get going soon.  The plan for today is to go for a bike ride in a bit and then wait for my sister Allison and her boyfriend Jeff to arrive from Whistler.  We are going to the CKY show tonight at Richard’s on Richards in Vancouver.  We have a crew going, and I see it being a super fun night.  I am happily DDing tonight once again.

 

Tomorrow I am waking up bright and early to speak with media for an ICBC Impaired Driving Campaign.  The campaign launch is in North Vancouver at 10:00am (which reminds me I have to make a phone call).  A student from Port Moody Secondary is coming out to the event and I want to touch base with him. 

 

If you are interested, I am speaking briefly tomorrow in North Vancouver.  I speak after some pretty high profile people from the RCMP, ICBC and government.  Watch for me on the local news in Vancouver tomorrow night… My guess is it will probably be on CBC and or Global. 

 

Well that is it for now.  I hope this one gave you some laughs.

 

Kevin

It’s Thursday June 25^th…

 

This is a crazy day because nine years ago I was on my deathbed.  I know that is such a happy way to start a blog isn’t it, but for real I was.

 

My car crash was nine years ago yesterday.  It hits me pretty hard to think about it, and yesterday is often the toughest day of the year as a general rule.

 

I got through yesterday the same way I have been getting through the past couple of weeks, which have also been very difficult.  I just kept on going and didn’t quit.  A lot of time during the past couple weeks I have been almost like a robot.  I am down and even depressed at times, but I just get through.  I know better days are ahead and I hang onto that.

 

I am pretty used to these feelings by now; at least as much I can be, as it happens every year.  This year I was distracted by other emotions, but I can’t say they were a welcome change.  I made sure yesterday to look past my heart and remember Brendan and even talk to him a little.  When I think back to getting out of bed and walking out of my house that day nine years ago it reminds me of so much.  So much change came from the poor decisions I made that day and night.

 

I am definitely aware of the affect this time of year has on me.  I used to really struggle with this time of year because I never really did anything about it.  A couple years ago I decided I would do something very relaxing and positive on the date or weekend or anniversary of the crash.  The last two years before this, Melissa and I went on nice get aways to The Kingfisher in Courtenay and to Whistler respectively.  This year I was kind of on my own, so I did what I could to treat myself.

 

Yesterday, I slept in and then made my way into Vancouver.  I had a spa treatment at my friend Kim’s spa called Look and Feel Fabulous in Kits.  Kim is doing all sorts of great things for me this summer.  For starters we are working on my stomach and chest with a machine called the Eurowave.  I can’t get too tech but I’ll explain as best I can.  She connects me to a machine and it sends some sort of electromagnetic currents into my muscles.  The plan is to give me a tight stomach and I am already seeing results.  This is pretty cool since post paralysis I do not have the ability to work my abs or lower chest muscles.

 

We have also been doing detoxes.  Yesterday I did the foot one and man the stuff was nasty that came out of me.  I guess our bodies store a lot of crap in our feet as to keep it as far away from our vital organs as possible.  I had my feet soaked in a tub and the toxins came out. It feels great to get this crap out of our bodies.  This is my second detox this week, as Monday I did an Infrared Sauna session.

 

I have also had massages done this week.  Monday Kim gave me an unreal facial and yesterday she exfoliated my hands and gave me an awesome back exfoliation and massage too.  I leave her spa feeling so great!  She wants me to say “Looking and Feeling Fabulous” which is true but I mean I can’t say that.  It isn’t very macho or manly…  But getting facials and exfoliations is right? Screw it I feel fabulous!!

 

Indeed I feel like a new man this week for sure.  I know that the past couple weeks have been a different vibe in my blog as I have been pretty down, but I can say today feels like a new start again.  I think this new enlightened outlook is here to stay.  I am past the point of feeling down.  Everything is starting to make sense now.

 

I owe this new outlook in a big way to a meeting last night with Melissa.  We met to exchange the last of our things and although at times it was tough, in the end I think we both felt better.  I feel like I have some closure now.  I also want to add that in previous blogs I was doing a lot of venting.  What is there is there and I am not going to erase it.  What is written is from my perspective through a wounded heart and sometimes bitter emotions.  I want to say that Melissa is an amazing person.  I hope that words in previous blogs never gave a different impression than that.  She is awesome and I feel lucky to know her and to have shared the time we shared together.  After speaking with her last night, as hard as it is to accept in my heart, I know that we just weren’t meant to be.  As much as that hurts and sucks, it is better to deal with it now than later when it would be even tougher.  I want to thank Melissa for a great two + years.  I won’t forget her and will always cherish the great times we shared and all that she taught me about life and myself.  This is the last her name will appear in my blog.

 

Life is such a journey.  The hardest times we experience teach us the most valuable lessons.  It is so hard to see this when we are in pain, but as that pain fades clarity evolves from it and lessons are learned.  Some of my toughest lessons in life revolve around events that took place this time of year.  I can’t say I am glad that certain things happened; especially the saddest of all that I had a friend pass away in my car.  I will say that I am grateful for all that has come from these experiences.  I believe life is less about what happens and more about what happens next.  We can’t go backwards and we can only stay in the same place so long.  At some point we have to move forward.

 

No matter who we are life throws punches at us.  We can do one of two things as I see it.  We let the punch knock us down and keep us down or we get back up.  I have been fighting to get back up for a couple weeks.  I feel like a button masher in any given boxing video game when you are knocked on your ass and have no option left but to just beat the heck out of the controller to get back on your feet… (Gamers may relate) I guess in my case I am in the process of getting off my ass and back onto my ass with my head held high…  You know what I mean.

 

Learning from mistakes and translating pain into lessons is such a vital part of the healing process.  To turn a negative into a positive isn’t always an easy thing to do, but it is better than remaining negative and maintaining that energy.

 

I hope over this tough period those still reading this blog have taken something away from it.  My emotions and words have been very raw.  I’ve wondered at times if I should have even posted some of the stuff because it is as personal as can be.  I have no regrets.  What is there is there and it is real.  I am human and I am nowhere near perfect.  I am still learning lessons every single day.  I chose a while ago to share my lessons with others.  My blog has become an extension of my presentation.  I truly hope that it brings good to those reading my words.

 

Ok on that note…  I just want to add that my next blog I write will have to wait until I am full of the jackass humour that often frequents these pages…  This is the last heavy one for a while…

 

Before I go I want to add big thanks in here to some people…

 

I would like to thank my loyal readers and anyone reading this right now.  I wonder if people still are reading.  A simple post would show me that there is still interest in this blog.

 

I also want to thank some people I met in March of this year from Mount Cheam Christian School.  Back in March I spoke to a youth group and some elders at Mount Cheam.  After my presentation they passed along a donation for me.  They raised enough money that night to buy me a new and much needed back to my wheelchair.  I bought the new back yesterday.  Thank You!

 

I also at this time of the year want to recognize Brendan’s family and friends.  I am doubtful if they read this but I want to say that I am so sorry for your loss.  I would do anything to go back and tell Brendan to jump in that cab.  I think about your family and Brendan every single day.  I can say without a doubt I would not be where I am today without you.  Through all of the tough times your support has inspired me the most to stay strong and never give up.  I could never ever thank you enough for that.  You are the strongest people I know.  Through your support I have been able to bring something positive from our tragedy and it has reached hundreds of thousands.  None of this would exist without you.

 

That’s about it for now. 

 

The past couple weeks have been challenging but I am happy to say I have gotten through the toughest times all the while knowing that things would get better eventually.  June 24^th can be an extremely tough day but it is only one among 364 other days that I am happy to be alive - each and every year that passes.  Through the good and the bad, life is a great gift and a learning experience from start to finish.  I was fighting for my very life nine years ago today and the fight to survive and live and find meaning and happiness in life continues. 

 

Never Give Up

 

~: )

 

Kevin

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hello!

 

So it has been a while.  I apologize.  Quite honestly I haven’t been much in the mood to blog.  It has been a tough go the past couple of weeks, but I am still moving forward.

 

A lot has been on my mind.  I am nearing the nine year anniversary of the car crash.  This time of year always leaves me in a strange state.  I can’t completely explain it.  It just feels like I am not all there.  I know something is wrong but I can’t exactly label it.

 

Well this year it is definitely magnified as I deal also with a broken heart.  I feel better each day.  That I would say is the good news.  Yet I would be flat out lying if I said I was anywhere near a 110% again.  I understand grieving and that the best healer is time, so I have just been taking things day by day.

 

I have been driving my new truck for almost a week now and I love it.  I have my stereo and box liner installed now.  The alarm needs to be booked today and I get some protective sealer put in my doors to protect from damage from my wheelchair tomorrow evening.  It’ll be great when all is done. 

 

This weekend was fairly decent. 

 

I had a BBQ with my best buddy Geoff and his girlfriend Rhiana on Thursday.  When they left I went for a big bike ride.  These have been my two best healers in these tough times: being around friends and riding my bike.

 

Friday my “Team” came over.  Jason and Cara, my agents, stopped in and we talked all about next year.  I am really excited that next year I can focus solely on speaking, blogging, emails and Facebook…  It will be a nice break to wear one less hat.  Our plans see me speaking a lot in the USA and I even mentioned Australia as a long term goal.  Cara pretty well made my day when she told me she had spoken in Australia 13 times and saw no reason why I couldn’t speak there.

 

Friday night I was pretty tired but had another BBQ at my place.  People came and went until around midnight and then I headed for bed.  I had a great sleep Saturday.  I am starting to learn to sleep in again.  This is a nice change from the automatic 5:30am wake-ups I was getting accustomed to.

 

Once showered and fed Saturday I cleaned my place and went for a bike ride… I was having a crappy day Saturday until my bike ride.  As I was leaving my place a young kid approached me and said “cool bike man!”  He went on for a while and kept asking me questions like why I rode with my arms.  I pointed at the wheelchair beside me and he figured it out pretty quick.

 

This kid was funny!  He said “Oh I feel sorry for you man.” I explained nicely that it wasn’t necessary and I just kept getting ready for my ride.

 

I started my way up the 1km hill that starts my rides from my place.  Just a block in up comes this kid on his bike.  He is yelling at me that my headphone is dragging.  I can tell he wants to ask me more questions, so I just keep riding and he keeps up beside me.  This kid was asking me all sorts of stuff and I felt that great feeling I get each and every day during the school year when I am speaking to young people.  Maybe I am a little down because I am missing that too.

 

The kid (I call him that because I forget his name) rode with me a good couple kms until he had to head home.  I am pretty sure he rode way past where he is aloud to ride.  He is going into grade nine next year and I told him to look out for me speaking at his school.  I actually rode away smiling.  I’ll tell you quite honestly that smiles have been hard to come by lately.

 

It didn’t take long until I was feeling down again.  I guess the hardest thing for me right now is it feels like something is missing.  That something has been one of the biggest parts of my life for over two years.  All of a sudden Melissa is basically not even a part of my life at all and I have no idea when I will get used to that.

 

What troubles me most is that our relationship was great.  I can look back on previous relationships and remember a lot of crap, but not with Melissa.  Ours was great!  It really was.  And I know that I am not some broken hearted fool in denial trying to fool myself or anyone else.  Both she and I would tell you that our two years together were the happiest of both of our lives.  That hurts the most because to me being the happiest I have ever been means something, and it is something I would fight for.  The fact that she isn’t fighting burns me.  The fact that I did everything for her seems almost like a waste of my time now because in the end it just led to this.

 

Sitting on my couch Saturday evening I was really getting worked up.  I knew I needed to get out.  I didn’t want to party as the few times I have partied recently it has not made me feel any better.  Partying makes me feel worse because it is something I want to move beyond… I am learning slowly but surely.

 

I decided I needed to get out and meet people.  I got a hold of a buddy and picked him up and headed to White Rock.  It was a beautiful night at the beach.  We went to Charlie Don’t Surf’s, a trendy restaurant on the main strip.  As soon as we were about to get seated at our table a young waiter came up to me and said “No drinking tonight.”

 

I told him I wasn’t planning on it anyways and of course gave him a bewildered look.  Well it turns out that Billy, the waiter, is a student from Semiahmoo Secondary who recently saw me speak.  I explained that I wasn’t drinking but if I somehow did there was this number I could call so people would drive my truck home for me safely.  It is pretty funny to me that I have students looking out for me.

 

We chilled at the restaurant for a bit and then decided to follow the countless groups of good looking girls we saw walk past us into a place called the OB.  The Ocean Beach Hotel is one of my old hang outs back when I used to party a lot.  It is a pub by day and night club by night. 

 

There was live hip-hop playing, which isn’t exactly up my alley.  Yet watching white rappers from Surrey who think they are from South Central LA is pretty funny.

 

My non-alcoholic drink of choice is cranberry and soda and I was gulping them down pretty good. At the bar I ran into yet another student who had heard me speak.  She saw me last year at Fraser Heights.  We chatted briefly and I kind of smiled to myself at how many people were recognizing me on this night.  I really appreciate knowing that people remember me and our story.

 

Maybe 20 steps, ummm er rolls, away from the bar I was stopped by another girl.  This girl seemed a bit older from the last.  Communicating from a chair to people who are standing in a super loud club is not exactly easy.  It looked like she was saying “I know you.”

 

The girl kneeled down, which is my preferred way to hold a conversation in said settings as I can look eye to eye with the person talking to me and hear them and them hear me.  Well it turns out that this girl’s sister saw me speak at Elgin Park in South Surrey just recently.

 

Her sister was really moved by the presentation.  Her sister was so moved that she told her sister Jane about it and Jane looked at my website.  This is why Jane recognized me in the bar.  It made my night talking to Jane.  She told me how much my presentation affected her sister and her too.  It was pretty cool to hear how people who haven’t even heard me speak can be inspired to make smarter choices and / or just appreciate life in a new way.

 

I left the OB smiling and headed for home.  I slept the best I probably have in weeks Saturday night until I was woken up by my phone ringing yesterday.  My buddy Randy wanted to go to Whistler.  I was down until I called my sister and learned it was raining there.  I also was reminded it was Father’s Day.

 

Randy and I went to Stanley Park instead and rode the seawall.  The sun was shining for the most part and we did around 16 – 17kms in total.  He blew a tire about 15kms in and couldn’t find a replacement tube, so we cut the ride short and took a short cut back to my truck through downtown Vancouver.

 

In addition to Father’s Day, yesterday was also “International Go Skateboarding Day,” and the entire Emerica team was in town doing a spot to spot demo.  We saw the mob first as we drove into Vancouver past the Plaza Skatepark.  Then we met up with them again in the heart of downtown at Burrard and Georgia - only the mob of skaters had grown expodentially by this point and appeared a lot rowdier.

 

I was pretty stoked to see hundreds of skateboarders screaming in the streets of downtown Vancouver with their boards held high in the air.  We weren’t sure if they were just causing havoc or what was up until the light turned green.  Like dominoes, one by one the block long mob of skaters threw down their boards and headed to the next spot.  It was quite the spectacle.  That skate-mob made me proud to be a skater… a retired skater I guess, but a skater at heart for life nonetheless.

 

A block down the street we crossed Andrew Reynolds.  He is one of the best skaters in the world if you never heard of him.  He was just casually strolling blocks behind the mob chatting up some gal.  I didn’t want to interrupt his game, so I just looked on in quiet admiration as he walked past.

 

After I dropped Randy off at home I grabbed a bunch of stuff for dinner and some gifts for dad for Father’s Day.  I went to his house and BBQ’d there.  I did the cooking and Hayley did the cleaning.  We had a really nice visit.  Randy stopped by and he and I decided we were going to check out the movie the Hang Over.

 

That is how I ended the night…  Randy and I went to Langley Colossus and watched the Hang Over.  I recommend it to anyone who likes crazy funny party movies like Old School.  Randy and I were both laughing it up throughout, as we could relate in many ways to the story lines.

 

I am up early today and about to shower and head downtown again.  I have a spa treatment and then am going for a bike ride.  I better end this because I am already running WAY behind.

 

I can’t make any promises at this point, but I will try and get my blog on a bit more than I have been.

 

If you don’t hear from me for a while do know I will be back in full swing once I am feeling better.

 

Thanks for reading!

 

Kevin

Ok so I finally posted a new picture gallery!

There are 65 pictures I think!  The album starts on Vancouver Island in April and leads all the way to the end of my speaking and travelling for the year in PEI…  (well this school year anyways).

I am not going to post a big blog right now but I hope all of these new pictures hold ya over until I write the next one…

I am going to sort some stuff for my US Work Visa and then am going to hit up Costco…

PS.  I am driving the NEW TRUCK and it is SICK!  I got my new stereo installed yesterday and it is SO RAD!!!!

Ok I will write later…

Kev

Well I am almost a week into my summer break.  It has been pretty sick so far…  I know that there are readers on here somewhat older than high school, so to clarify my summer has been sick… like really good.  I am not sick.  I am very healthy.  But feel free to send me chicken noodle soup anyways.

 

As I just said (I love to repeat myself because it makes my blogs longer) the past week has been sick / good / rad.  It has also been somewhat frustrating… somewhat frustrating being somewhat of an understatement.. somewhat.  Getting my new truck signed over and adapted with the hand controls has been nothing short of a nightmare at times.  But I can finally say that it is now officially in my name.

 

I won’t get into details because I doubt people come to my website to hear me b*tch.  I will say if you ever take over or pay out someone’s financing it is not just a simple process.  At least it hasn’t been for me.

 

Two things to be aware of…  You might think that tax is included in the buy out price, but only GST is.  So be sure to negotiate the PST when working the deal with the seller. 

 

The worst thing of all, that I found frustrating beyond belief, is that nobody seems to know how to deal with the process.  Everyone I talked to has given me different answers.  Again, should you find yourself in such a situation regardless of what you might be told, once you have the transfer form signed by the seller, all is good.  I had been waiting for approval and cheque processing through the GMAC and it was not necessary; At least not to insure the new truck.

 

I am really happy to say that this afternoon the hand controls should be finished and I will surely be smiling as I drive my new truck home from Vancouver rocking out to the new Rancid!  … Maybe Social D.

 

Enough about that… you might be wondering where I have been creeper…  crêper…  you make crêpes don’t you?  I love crêpes and I love my crêpers…  Anyways…

 

I have been living for the moment big time this past week.  I have been riding my bike every single day.  Yesterday I went for three rides.

 

Saturday night I had some cousins over, one of whom bought my old truck.  It was sunny and we felt like celebrating the day so we took a taxi to a beer garden in Cloverdale.  It was a super fun day and I learned I still have a little rowdy left in me.  There was nothing too crazy…. I peed on my friends foot… you know usual stuff….Let’s just say we had a lot of fun and were laughing and living it up.

 

From the beer garden we taxied back to my place and had an old school Metallica air guitar session in my living room.  It was AWESOME – AWESOME for everyone in my living room - but probably not so much AWESOMENESS for my neighbours.  That is of course unless they are Metallica fans, and I am talking old stuff like Fade to Black, For Whom the Bell Tolls and Battery.  The goodies!!! 

 

 

My cousin Phil and I were the last ones standing… well I guess he was the only one doing any standing.  Probably more accurate to say we were the last ones of the crew to shut er down.

 

Phil and I took a cab to my uncle’s place to visit more family and chill around a campfire while the others got their DDs (AKA girlfriends) to drive them home.  It was a beauty summer night and I was in great company, so all in all I’d give Saturday night 9 Metallica Air Guitar Strums out of 10.

 

Sunday was chill… more bike riding.  I caught up on sleep.  Phil slept on my couch.  I did a little cleaning and BBQ’d.  After my BBQ, I went to my dad’s for yet another BBQ and a visit with some family friends who are up from California.

 

Yesterday I was up at 5:30am to drive to Vancouver and drop off my trucks.  I drove my old one and my mom drove my new one.  This seemed to be the opposite of what should have been going on.  But here’s the truth…  I am such a good son I wanted her to drive the newer vehicle.  Actually I can’t drive it because my legs don’t work, but I am an ok son too.

 

Once the trucks were in the shop, mom and I went for a bike ride along the Fraser River.  We started around Fraser Street and Marine and ended up somewhere in Burnaby between Boundary and the Queensborough Bridge.  There is a super nice parkway with a ton of different paths along this route.  We rode 17+kms by the time we got back to Shopper’s Home Health Care (I love how creative and cool the names of mobility places tend to be).  Once there, my old truck was ready to go; Now mom needed to drive the old truck (S-10) because the hand control is out.

 

I argued on the phone for the better part of our drive into the heart of Vancouver.  My awesome mom just supported me throughout all of the crap that was going on with my new truck between the dealer, broker and financer.  At times I saw her trying not to laugh when my cheeky sarcastic side got the better of me.  I’d like to think I did her proud on the phone sorting out my affairs yesterday, but probably it was somewhere between proud and horrified.

 

To thank her I bought lunch at Joey’s on Broadway.  We shared a bunch of appies and enjoyed the awesome weather on the patio there.  It was nice to chill and hang out with my mom for a bit before we got back into my truck and assumed our roles of chauffer (her) and ranting lunatic on the phone (me).  By her suggestion (moms are right a lot) we went to an Autoplan Broker in Cloverdale and finally got the truck in my name.  We both felt much relief after that was done and she dropped me off at home.

 

I cleaned out my old truck once I was home.  These were awesome but also reflective times.  I have travelled almost 180,000kms in the S-10.  I have many great memories in it.  There were bits and pieces everywhere that took me back to great days and nights.  I found a ton of ticket stubs from concerts, hockey games and comedy shows dating back years.  There were a lot of little reminders of Melissa too that left me missing her some.  I guess the passing of the S-10 is yet another page in this new chapter in life I am embarking on.

 

Last night my dad was having yet another BBQ for our California friends.  It was their last night in town.  I couldn’t drive my S-10 (no hand control), so I thought I’d ride my bike.  The only thing is when I ride my bike I have no wheelchair and basically am stuck in the bike for the night.  My only other option is that I transfer into another chair, but then I am kind of stuck there for the night.  This makes things like, umm, going to the washroom not so easy. 

 

While I considered the options, I felt some creativity kick in.  I rigged up a little system with my bike chain and lock and towed my wheelchair the 4kms behind my bike to my dads.  It took a few stops to work out the kinks, but I did get there with everything I left home with.  That was my main goal, so mission accomplished.

 

My dad’s place was a blast and dinner was too good.  I say too good because I ate WAY too much.  Once it got dark I was feeling home.  My dad Jimmy (pronounced Yimmy with a Mexican accent) worries quite a bit, so he was not down with me riding home after dark.  I am only 30 years old.  So the first plan was to call a taxi and leave my bike at dad’s place.  None of them were in any shape to drive me home.  This option was in the air maybe seconds until I remembered what I had just ate for dinner.  I had a new idea.  I wanted to ride home.  I might as well try out my new lights I got for my bike.  Yimmy relented.

 

Our friend Len is an engineer, so I asked him to rig up the makeshift wheelchair trailer hitch to the back of my bike (his hitch worked much better than my earlier attempts).  I said my goodbyes and headed for home. 

 

The first part of my journey was about a 3/4 km of pretty steep up hill.  I was feeling it pretty good, but once I was at the top I was jacked.  I ended up going for another 13km ride.  I was slower than usual last night with the extra weight of the wheelchair.  Still I was loving every single second of my night ride.  I set out probably around 10pm and was home pretty near midnight.  I really enjoyed the peacefulness of the night.  I am thinking that I may be a nightrider more often this summer, especially when the days get really hot.

 

When I got in the door I hit Facebook and saw a really pretty picture of Melissa.  This led to me listening to Social Distortion on repeat and having a bit of a breakdown.  I was missing her big time last night.  I think everything just caught up to me.  Even though I haven’t been on the road speaking for almost a week, I don’t feel like I have rested much.  My mantra has been to just give’er 110% but last night it caught up to me and I shed a few as I fell asleep.

 

Today is a new day and the sun is shining again.  I woke up feeling guilty that I haven’t posted anything for people to read in a couple of days so here it is.  I have no idea where this summer is going to take me but thanks for coming along for the ride.  I’ll keep ya posted!

 

Until next time…

 

Kevin

 

PS.  I have kind of refound Facebook and have posted quite a few pictures on my home page of the summer and even my new truck. 

 

PPS.  I have rekindled my love affair with parenthesis-isis-isises (did you notice?)

Good morning!

 

Well the sun is shining in Vancouver once again.  It has been nice here so often lately I have almost forgotten we live in a rainforest.  This has to be the best June on record so far!

 

I am officially done speaking for the 2008 / 2009 school year!  It was an absolutely awesome year with so many memories and great places and people and experiences to look back on.

 

I travelled coast to coast this year and to many great places in between.  I haven’t taken the time to do exact numbers but I must have spoken at over 150 schools and probably an average of 300 students per school… you do the math…  I am on Summer Break!

 

My last presentation of the year was with the PARTY Program in Victoria.  It was an awesome way to finish.  I had two firsts this time around at PARTY.  It was the first time someone passed out during my presentation there and also my first standing ovation I can remember.  I ended with a standing O the day before in Courtenay too, so I must have went out in style with a bang in my final two presentations!

 

I spoke to Pacific Christian School through PARTY and they were an awesome group.  I had so much energy on Thursday.  I really felt like I was back to myself.  Waking up in that amazing Laurel Point Inn bed on a sunny day overlooking Victoria Harbour may have played just a small part.

 

On the ferry home I got out of my truck like I never do and sat on the passenger deck in the sunshine.  I felt very proud to have been to so many places and reached as many people as I did this year.  I felt relieved that I got through some of the toughest speaking days I can recall and pulled through without missing one show.

 

I had taken my iPOD speakers up with me to the ferry deck and played the new Rancid album while I soaked up the sun and fresh ocean air.  To pass the time…  haha not really… more to get caught up and because I love doing it – I wrote back all 30+ emails that I hadn’t responded to yet from students, teachers and even parents.  I love reading these emails.  Each one is so unique.

 

Once the ferry docked I made my way back in the homeward direction.  My celebration for wrapping up the year involved no booze…  It was a shopping spree.  Some stuff was necessary like the stainless steel water bottles and bell for my bike.  Other things like the two pairs of Anon sunglasses I bought from Fluid were more of a treat.  I think that my Best Buy purchase were necessity too… your call…  I bought a new stereo and alarm for my truck.

 

I went for a bike ride Thursday night and really was hauling ass.  I did my 12+km local route faster than I ever have before.  When I got home it was time to clean.  My condo is usually spotless.  I run a pretty tight ship actually.  But over the past couple of weeks I was pretty overwhelmed with everything and cleaning fell right off the priority list.  I did a number on my place.  It felt good but was also emotional at times.  I removed all of the pictures and reminders of Melissa.  I replaced pictures of her and I with pictures of friends and one entire frame is dedicated to my awesome time in Huron County, Ontario way back in October 2008.  Although it was tough at times, it needed to be done and my place actually makes me feel happy again.

 

I got to bed quite late Thursday and woke up to guess what… another sunny day.  My main plan for the day was to get my loan approval, which was supposed to be done Thursday afternoon.  Once that was done I could officially purchase my dream truck.

 

I waited and waited…. And I waited and waited.  I called the bank and left a message.  Then finally I heard back from someone who just told me to wait longer.  So I waited and waited… man I was getting antsy.  I went out on my patio and stood in my standing frame for quite a while and listened to Millencolin… and then came inside and waited some more…  finally I thought this is crap and left for the bank.  I checked the mail first and found some pretty decent cheques I had been waiting on… PERFECT!

 

The cheques were very signiifcant and couldn’t have come at a more timely time…  timely time?…  whatever…I could now buy the truck without the stupid loan and off I went.  Once again it struck me how life works in mysterious ways.  I have never gotten such a large bundle of cheques in the mail in one day before.  This truck must really be meant to be mine.

 

Well to make a long story short my shiny new Colorado is sitting in front of my place as I write this.  I am so stoked on it.  I can’t drive it yet, as there is no hand control in it.  So it is kind of a tease.  But lasst night I got in it and just started it up and sat in it for a while fiddling around and being stoked!  Monday my mom and I are taking my current truck and the new one to Vancouver to have the hand controls swapped, and Wednesday I get my stereo and alarm installed.  This is one heck of a way to start the summer!!!

 

So yeah I am feeling pretty good right now.  I am taking each day one minute at a time and my main goal for this summer is to enjoy, have fun and make memories.  I will be posting my blog regularly and have the highest intentions of finally posting a new album on here that looks back on the entire spring tour.

 

That is going to have to wait for another day though because I am off for a bike ride.

 

Thanks for reading!

 

Have an awesome weekend!

 

~: )

 

Kevin

Wednesday June 10, 7:18am

I am sitting in the ferry line-up on my way to Courtenay on this beautiful sunny morning.  I had a pretty good day yesterday but I am still nowhere near back to 100%…

I spent most of yesterday trying to get things in order to buy the dream truck.  I had to look into finances, getting the proper lien information (it came back all good), and I wanted to contact GM to understand the process of taking over someone’s vehicle that is still being financed.  Everything seems in place, so as soon as this weekend I could have a new ride.  I’ll add that if you ever do a lien check to be careful doing it online.  I basically wasted $20.  BCAA does a very thorough one and members get a good discount!

After I had gotten all of the truck business sorted that I could and I partially packed for my trip to Vancouver Island (today) I made my way downtown Vancouver.  I had plans to meet up with Celeste somewhere on the Seawall sometime after 4:30pm.

Traffic was super mellow and I was going to be way early, so I stopped on West 4^th and grabbed us Noodle Box for dinner.  It was pretty rad eating out of those tiny little Chinese to-go boxes with chop sticks on the Seawall on a sunny day.

After a little chat we headed on our way for a ride.  Celeste had her mountain bike and I was on my tricycle…  HAHA seriously it is kind of a tricycle…  Anyways, I was keeping up pretty good – probably from all of the riding I have done in recent months.  We did the entire Stanley Park part of the Seawall in what seemed like no time, so we just kept going.  By the time we turned around we were almost in Granville Island.  By the time we got back to my truck we had rode 27kms!

It was a super beautiful night last night.  It was mild to warm and the sunset was phenomenal.  Celeste was good company… definitely better company than I am these days.

I find myself zoning out big time a lot right now.  I seriously spend almost every single second of every single day thinking about Melissa.  I even try to stop myself but before I know it I am zoning out again and thinking of her.  I try to tell myself “hey she wasn’t that great,” but it’s hard to fool myself.  I woke up this morning for example and ever since my eyes opened I have been thinking about her.  Even as I write this she is on my mind.  I am listening to this CD I made of songs that remind me of her and are supposed to help me through this break up… (Yeah I am totally doing stuff to get my mind of her right?)

I wonder how long this is going to last.  Maybe by the time I am right in the head again the girl who commented saying “I wish I was 23 in response to my last blog will be 23… Maybe 33… How old will that make me??? … Never mind.”

Well at least I have a full day ahead.  I am speaking at GP Vanier Secondary in Courtenay this morning.  I really like Courtenay and always have good audiences there, so I am going to turn this pain into a kickass presentation.  Hopefully that will inspire me enough to smile all the way to Victoria where I am driving to after the presentation and staying tonight.

I am staying in my favourite hotel, Laurel Point, and will likely ride the Goose again tonight.  I brought my bike, so I might as well.  I have plans to hang out with a student nurse I met through the PARTY Program in Victoria named Lauren tonight.  That should be fun too!

Anyways, this is going to be one of those blogs where I post it WAY later than when I wrote it.  I want to get back on this regularily though (for some reason whenever I write the word regulaily I think of a Bran commercial / I also can’t ever spell regulairly and won’t spell check this as proof).  I do want to write this Blog regularly (yeah got it!) because I understand I have some loyal readers and quite honestly that stokes me.  WELCOME TO MY VERY OWN REALITY SHOW!!! 

Lastly, I want to add that basically the best thing that has happened to me this past week has been the new Rancid album called Let The Dominoes Fall.  It is absolutely sick and covers so many musical genres in one CD.  It actually reminds me of a Clash album at times, except it’s really good…  HAHA I went through a Clash phase, but a lot of it is crap…  Sorry old school punker creepers!  If you like Rancid at all, check the new album… actually if you like Rancid you probably have already.  If you don’t like Rancid, check the new album and get the bonus version because the 12 acoustic songs are worth the extra $5.

On the topic of Punk Rock…  I know I have been talking about this promo video for months that I have being made.  Truth is it is apparently almost done.  A student in Coquitlam has been putting it together.  The creative side is out of my hands.  We talked a while ago as I was hoping it would be done soon (in fact I hoped it would be done months ago) and she told me that it was essentially done except she needed some music.  Well I ended up emailing Jordan, Strung Out’s drummer, and he gave me the OK to use their tunes for my videos and website.  Cool Beans I thought…  After writing this I am pretty sure I may have posted it in a previous blog… Who knows…?  Ummm, I am definitely sure that dementia runs in the family… so one or the other or a little bit of both.

Kevy Metal

 

Thursday June 11, 10:05am

I got to Courtenay with some time to spare yesterday.  It was super sunny and hot outside.  Caroline from ICBC met me in the parking lot of the school and we had a healthy Subway lunch on the tailgate of my truck.  It was great to visit with her!

The presentation was awesome yesterday.  Truthfully I wasn’t feeling so up for it… like I was but I wasn’t.  I feel like I am ready for the break now after the past two months of combined crazy schedule and travel and personal life crisis. 

I am the master of sucking it up these days and told myself and you earlier in the first part of this blog that I was going to kick some ass.  I don’t think I let anyone down.  The students were right into the presentation from the start at Vanier.  Most had seen me before, but of course tons has changed in my life and my presentation since two years ago when I was there last.

I could see people laughing, listening, tearing up and generally caring about what I had to say.  The presentation lasted about an hour and twenty minutes and included my slideshow.  Once again I went a bit late and into the next class but students didn’t seem to mind.  I said after that I had gave it all in reference to a Rise Against song I had playing in my mind as the slideshow played and the audience sat and watched in silence.

All in all I was stoked on the presentation.  It felt great to overcome the bummed out mode I was in and bring out something good.  I am pretty sure the message was received and only hope that it stays alive well past graduation for everyone who heard it at Vanier yesterday.

As I was leaving the school I found out that Lauren was super sick so I would likely just be chilling alone last night.  I was cool with that and figured more time to go for my bike ride.  I got to Victoria around dinner time and checked into Laurel Point and had dinner in the restaurant here.  It was all great as usual.

I went for a 20km ride along the Goose last night and was hauling ass for the most part.  I find that time alone to be so great for thinking and reflecting.  I have a lot on my mind these days and these rides help me sort out the feelings and thoughts.  Melissa was the general theme of my thinking but I am quite used to that by now.  I have been thinking about her again since I woke up this morning.  I won’t bore you with much more of that though.

I am about to shower and get ready for my final presentation of the 2008 / 2009 school year!  How awesome that it is with the Victoria PARTY Program – one of my favourite places to speak.

I imagine that this afternoon will be an emotional time.  I have so much to reflect on over the past two months.  Just the speaking and travelling and emails and messages alone is more experience than I bet most will see or feel in a year or a decade, let alone a couple months. 

I finally started writing everyone back from last week and plan to either continue responding to emails while I am on the ferry… if not I will post another blog.  Maybe, just maybe I will actually get out of my truck and go upstairs and relax and take in the beautiful scenery between Sydney and Tswassenn.

Well that’s it for now…

Kevin

Ok I have to write something new here after that depressing blog from yesterday.  I probably scared off half of the creepers with that one!  I even had one dude comment saying “where’s the jokes?” He also said ”I hope you’re feeling better,” and that actually made me feel better.

Well today is a new day, and I am feeling better.  I imagine each day will get easier.  I do know tough days are still ahead but I have my mind set on having the best summer and just living 110% like I always do.  I’m gonna keep on keeping on.

My day yesterday, aside from being sad, was a catch up day.  I never did get caught up on everything but I made a start.  I have a ton of people to respond to yet, so please know I haven’t forgotten about you and will get back to everyone in due time.

I visited my accountant yesterday for my annual castration ala Revenue Canada and was pleasantly surprised.  I owe way less taxes than I thought I did.  Well at least I have one lady in my life who is still hooking me up with good news!  Too bad she is 50 years old or maybe well… let’s not go there…

I left the accountant’s office smiling, which doesn’t usually happen and was about to start for Vancouver when I stopped.  I had plans yesterday to meet with a cool gal named Celeste who I met through a friend not so long ago.  She came to one of my presentations and said hey I like your shirt.  That pretty well seals the deal for me.  Well if the shirt is an Against Me! shirt and the person complementing it knows their punk rock.  Having a girlfriend then made hanging out with the opposite sex pretty taboo even if it was just friendly, but we stayed in touch enough to now be making plans to hang out.  We were unsure of yesterday or today and in the last minute I decided today would be better…. yeah that’s why I stopped outside of the accountant’s office.

This choice set me on course for the events that would shape most things to come since yesterday…  WHAT…  Just read on…

So instead of driving from the accountant’s office to Vancouver I headed for home.  Only a few blocks into my trip home I spotted a SICK truck!  It was a 2007 Black Chevy Colorado (2wd, ext cab, lowered, sick rims, low pros, etc)…  basically it is exactly what I have wanted to buy for years.  I pulled over and a cute sweaty gal (is there any other kind) came outside and gave me the goods on the truck.  She is the owner and can’t afford payments and wants someone to buy it out.  Best of all this very same truck is the truck that I spotted two years ago in the GM Showroom in Langley and fell in love with.  I have wanted a truck exactly like this…  No wait I have wanted this truck.

So the rest of my day was pretty well spent figuring out finances; getting my dad to test drive it because of course there is no hand control and the driving with a hockey stick option seemed to kind of be a conflict of interest with my road safety persona; and talking to BCAA about getting a lien check done… etc…

The test drive went well and everything else seems to be coming together.  I may be driving a new truck very very soon!  Is that retail therapy to the extreme or what?!  Girlfriend breaks my heart… I buys me a new truck!!!

I went for a bike ride in the sunshine yesterday too.  It is so nice having a bike that is in one piece again.  It works so much better like that!  I rode a good 12kms and was feeling good.

Last night I had dinner at my mom’s with her and Hayley and then went to the ball park to watch Hayley play.  They kicked butt!  She had a good game and there was a beautiful sunset…  Single ladies over 23… I love beautiful sunsets and long rolls on the beach…  oh and I am buying a sick new truck and you will look awesome in the passenger seat beside me!!!

I got a good sleep last night and have been on the phone all morning with GM, BCAA, my bank, the company who installs hand controls etc…  I was feeling kind of cheeky, so I thought I should write this.

I dedicate this blog to everyone who reads this and appreciates my humour.  I hope it was a good read!

Over.

Kevin

I apologize to any loyal readers because this has to have been my longest stretch between blogs…  Well as soon as that last one was up and running in Regina on Tuesday night I got my ass pretty well kicked.

I had been dating an amazing girl who I love so much for the past two and half years.  You may already know this…  These years have been some of the happiest times of my life.  The last year we have been having some challenges, as I guess as all couples do.  I figured that we would work through them because I really thought that this girl, Melissa, she was the one.  Well I guess I was wrong.

We first broke up over the phone in April while I was away speaking in Courtenay on Vancouver Island.  It was pretty tough.  I think that one was more difficult on her than me.  I understand why now.  She was the one who knew it was done.  I couldn’t imagine that we wouldn’t work it out.  Needless to say the last month and a half has been extremely difficult.  Speaking twice a day has been as much of a blessing as a curse at times.  Don’t get me wrong I love speaking in schools, but some days with the broken heart it is overwhelming.  Still I didn’t miss a presentation.  I considered cancelling a few, but toughed through every one and learned to be pretty good at stopping the tears and pulling it together when emotions got the best of me.  Some of you reading may have even witnessed such a moment.  There were many.

On the flip side, speaking was my saviour in so many ways.  I got to be so busy and away from home for the better part of the last couple months.  I was so focussed on speaking, travelling and inspiring others that my heart didn’t have time to be broken.  There wasn’t time for me to be wallowing in self pity.  After every single presentation I still got that rush that makes this the best thing I have ever done.  That rush was magnified on a day when I was feeling down going into the presentation.

I have learned a lot about females and relationships over the years.  I always try to learn from my mistakes.  I have not always been a perfect boyfriend.  At times I will admit I wasn’t even a good one.  This time around I thought I did it right.  I spoiled Melissa and would do anything for her.  I tried to make every single day an adventure.  I planned so many fun things that it was always fun to be together.  We rarely had arguments and when we did they weren’t even really arguments just disagreements.  I always kept my cool and we discussed things in a civil way.  I have to say it was perfect for so much of our relationship.  She even would say so.  Looking back…  well maybe I was too nice if there is such a thing…

Our break up came down to something that most of my break ups have come down too… actually all of them.  I party too much.  I still partied quite a bit over the years, and before Melissa I really don’t blame any girlfriend for being scared off.  However in the past couple of years I changed my ways from before big time.  In fact I don’t think I party that much at all and I am always responsible.  I see no harm. I never drink or drive and make sure others around me are safe too.  But the frequency of the festivities was still too much for Melissa.  I seem to always date these girls who have serious issues with alcohol.  Well after this one I decided that maybe it wasn’t the girls who had the issue.  Maybe it was me.  I mean I keep choosing these types of people to date, so maybe I am actually trying to tell myself something.  I decided to completely simmer down and grow up.  For the past two months I have barely drank at all, stayed away from the partying or just went to the party and stayed sober  or just a few drinks.  I have really lived a healthy great lifestyle.  The best thing of all is that I have really enjoyed this transformation and see it as a huge part of my next step in life.

Somewhere in the time since we first split and now Melissa and I decided that we just couldn’t be away from each other.  It hurt too badly.  We began to hang out.  It was good and it was hard at the same time.  I could tell that something had changed inside of her.  It would tear me to shreds to say I love you and not hear anything back.  But it was still better to be with her than to not.

If you have ever been truly in love you would know that love is the most amazing feeling in the world.  Love can make the worst day seem not so bad because at least you are in love.  You can think of that special person at any time and just feel like life is perfect because you have someone you can count on, someone to laugh with and cry with, someone to share the good times and the bad with.  Well if you have been in love, chances are you have also had your heart broken.  If not, be prepared for the day that it happens.

Suddenly that feeling is gone.  Well I guess it’s not gone but it is out of reach all of a sudden.  Now waking up in the morning isn’t so great because the first thing you think of is that special person.  Only now when you think of them it doesn’t bring safety and happiness to your heart it brings pain and loneliness, among many other painful feelings.  The simplest of tasks can seem so tough to do and motivation can be next to none.  It is like a giant piece of life has been taken away.  When you know it isn’t coming back, it is pretty tough to get up in the morning, let alone accomplish daily tasks that never seemed so difficult before.

Well this is where I am at now.

Melissa and I had been doing great the week leading up to Regina.  I thought we were anyways.  Things definitely weren’t back to 110% but I was willing and very capable and eager to work at them until they were.  I felt like I was ready to offer what she needed because my lifestyle had changed in such a positive way.  I don’t know a lot about her side because sadly I never really got too many answers or explanations.  All I can say is that she knew that she couldn’t stick it out and that it would never be forever.

I got the phone call in Regina.  I was so tired I was just hoping to talk to her and have her support because the travel and everything had caught up to me.  She sounded not quite right, so I asked what was up and then got the news, “her heart isn’t in it.” It was the final straw for me after fighting and fighting for this love and riding this rollercoaster.  Things didn’t end on a good note and that is the last I have heard her voice.

It was an awful way to end things.  It is really difficult for me not to have at least had a chance to say goodbye.  My phone calls went unanswered, and so I gave up calling.  It has been a really tough week.  I barely slept that night in Regina.  A million things were going through my head.  Worst of all I had to get up and be on for three presentations.  Normally I would be pumped for such an opportunity but I felt defeated and exhausted while I lay awake in bed for the better part of the night wondering what went wrong.

Well I did get up and do all three presentations in Regina…  Somehow.  They were SO emotional for me.  I put everything I had into each one.  I laid my broken heart on the line and cried many tears in each talk.  The second presentation was my best I’d say.  I did two at Johnson and one at Balfour in that order.  As always my audiences were great!  I love speaking in Saskatchewan because people are so good and so responsive.  That was one of the toughest days of my life and got through it with some victories.  Once I was done though it all sank in and I knew that my heart was broken again and that it wasn’t going to heal any time soon.

I tried my best not to be a total bummer for my hosts Vonda and Kim.  They took me to a restaurant before the airport to hang out and Kim bought me a beer.  It felt strange as I drank it.  Beer has caused a lot of this.  But I also understand that a person should be allowed to have one beer without that being the end of the world.  I mean who am I hurting?  I have a driver and I am not partying or going crazy or anything.  Man I am an adult…  Seems weird to say it but I am.

The flight was painful as was the rest of the night and the next day…  Thankfully I didn’t have anything to do once I got home but rest.  I couldn’t even imagine writing anyone or posting a blog.  I just needed a rest and some time for me.  I had plans Thursday night to go to the Rise Against / Rancid show with a bunch of people.  The sun was shining and it was hot outside.  I was going to have a great day and a great night.  I had to overcome!

I picked up my buddy Lee and we headed downtown Vancouver.  We ended up at a cool restaurant on Commercial called Havana.  We had been talking about a bike ride, but once I picked up my new bike (it got warranteed) it was a bit late to go for a big ride, then have dinner and get to the show on time.  The concert started super early.  We had some cocktails at Havana, nothing too crazy, and a bite to eat.  I switched to waters pretty quick because as soon as I feel buzzed now I don’t even like it.  I am working out the balance because I do like to have that beer, ceasar or mojito…  I just plan not to drink 10+ anymore.  With a couple mojito’s in me I wasn’t driving, so Jeff, Allison’s boyfriend, rode a bike down and drove my truck back to Alina’s.  They were just up the street from Havana.  I had planned that one all along.

We had a posse for the BBQ and ate good food and enjoyed the sunny weather.  It was great to be around good people.  My heart was still broken but I was able to smile and laugh and enjoy the day.  It hit me really hard through all of this that life is so short.  Each day we need to make the most of because our days are numbered.  I am not going to let this ruin my summer.  I need to overcome and have the best summer ever!!!

The show was super sick!  Rancid stole it.  I was actually yawning through Rise Against.  I think I was just tired from the sun and everything I had been through.  We all cabbed back to Alina’s and ordered pizza and chilled.  My buddies got Designated Driver Stop to drive them home.  I stayed at Alina’s as I was falling asleep by this point.

Friday was a chill day.  I picked my mom up from the airport and heard all about her trip to England.  I wasn’t the best company and she found out why as we neared home and she asked me about Melissa.  I had to clear my head, so I went for a bike ride.  I was super tired after and just needed rest.  My dad came by to sign a document for my condo and we hung out a while.  My plan was after he left I was going to go out to another BBQ, but I opted to ride the sofa and recuperate.  I have a lot of rest to catch up on. 

I went up to Whistler Saturday.  Allison and Jeff living there makes it pretty simple to just get up and go.  We had an awesome time!  Friday we went boating in the sun and then had some of their friends over for a BBQ.  I slept on the couch and woke up pretty early yesterday.  The sun was shining again and I wanted to take full advantage.  I showered and everything and woke Allison up around noon.  This wasn’t easy but once I told her some motivational words she was up.

I barely survived her backing me down their 2000+ stairs, but am here to tell the story.  She dropped me down the first set basically.  I just rolled down an entire flight backwards at full speed.  Luckily the chair didn’t tip.  Unfortunately for Allison I pinned her into the wall and got her pretty good.  It was smoother sailing from there.

We went to Creekside for lunch with their dog Cooper.  Jeff was working at Whistler ATV.  After lunch Al, Cooper and I went for a bike ride around Alta Lake and a few other lakes.  It was so beautiful outside!  There was lots of scenery too.  I got a good workout ploughing up some pretty intense hills and it felt great! 

Next we all went to Lost Lake.  The dog park there is awesome!  They have a floating dock we swim to that even has a little ramp for the dogs to climb up.  I love swimming and I love tanning so this was another great choice for the day.  After I swam back to shore I was feeling pretty burned out from the day.  My heart was starting to hurt again too.

We left Lost Lake and made a quick pit stop by home to drop off Cooper and grab my things.  I decided I was going to head home last night.  I needed some time alone and some sleep in my own bed.  Before I left we visited Jeff’s work on the way out of Whistler.

We went for a super sick ATV tour all up in the hills.  I had one with a back so I was pretty comfortable in it.  We weren’t sure at first with my balance issues, but I kept up and even led the pack at times.  It was best to be up front with all of the dust.  ATVing was SICK!  If you go to Whistler check out Whistler ATV and ask for Jeff.  Mention me…

It was such an awesome day!  Only in BC…  Only in Whistler can you start at noon and do lunch on a patio, go for a bike ride, go swimming in a lake and go ATVing – all before dark!!!  Well the super sick summer is off to a good start!

I wanted to write this blog because I enjoy writing it.  I know even writing it that certain things I say in one line might contradict the next.  I am pretty confused and hurt right now and know that this will all sort itself out.  For some reason it makes me feel better to write it all down.  It is almost like a journal except I am leaving it open for anyone to read.  My life has somehow become an open book of sorts.  I have found huge rewards in inspiring and  teaching others through my own experiences.  I have also as an added bonus learned a lot about myself, other people and life in general through this process.

Life can be tough at times but it is still amazing gift.  Love hurts at times but it is also the best feeling that there is.  I know that I will get through these tough times and come out better for having experienced them.

Thanks for reading and thanks for listening!  It is pretty amazing to know that I have thousands of people from all over the place who have my back!

ttys.

Kevin