1:10pm 10.28.09

I am so incredibly inspired by the day!

I write this blog from a chilly windswept sandy beach in Shediac, New Brunswick. My hands are already feeling a cold ache from the brisk Atlantic air breezing off the water. I am too inspired to turn down this opportunity to write though.

I woke up today after not sleeping a whole lot last night. I was up into the wee hours watching the Canucks game on my laptop. Even though they lost, it was worth watching. It was an exciting game that has me back on the bandwagon.

I was struck by a significant moment upon waking up this morning. A member of Brendon’s immediate family had sent me a message while I slept requesting to watch my presentation. None of his family members have ever seen me speak before. I knew that this future presentation would be the toughest one I would ever do. Yet I also knew it would be one of the most important. The message I read reminded me so clearly of the sadness of Brendon’s passing. It’s a tough feeling to explain from my end. There is guilt and sadness and so many other emotions. I have come to accept and deal with these feelings by turning them into something positive. I know that I can’t change what happened. I can’t go back. I can only move forward. I looked at myself in the mirror before I left my hotel room knowing that I was going to give an inspired presentation today.

As the day progressed, I felt this growing appreciation like every single second should be cherished. It dawned on me as I travelled north east from Moncton to a town called Rexton for my final presentation of this tour. I watched the sun rise in the horizon feeling so lucky to be alive and able to witness another day. I listened to acoustic Bad Religion as I drove. Greg’s voice set to mellow versions of classic tunes I love and have loved for years seemed to fit my mood very accordingly. My appreciation for the moment and the moment that followed and the next moment continually grew… All I could think is that this life is such a gift. The feeling I felt while watching the morning sky come alive was one of those defining moments in life.

The day continued to inspire me… My presentation at Bonar Law Memorial High school was among the best, if not the best presentation I have had so far this year. It was also the farthest east I have ever spoken in a school. Despite the distance from my home I didn’t sense “being away” at all. I felt completely at home as I set up and took the stage this morning in a packed gymnasium filled with a couple of hundred students and teachers I had never met before. I felt an immense sense of purpose as I retold the story that changed my life and the lives of so many others around me. Brendon and his family were very present in my thoughts, my feelings and my motivated words. I could feel these words resonating in the hearts and minds of my audience that heard them. I truly felt that I was making a difference.

I finished the presentation this morning knowing that I had given everything I had to those kids in the room and that it meant as much to them as it did to me. I was given not one but two standing ovations. I was also surrounded afterwards by students wanting autographs, hugs or just to talk about music, life or to thank me. A student even gave me the necklace from her neck that simply read C-O-U-R-A-G-E. A gift I will keep forever. I received three emails almost immediately following my departure from the school that all completely blew me away. They were the kind of messages I would want to show someone who asked me “does my presentation affect those who hear it?” I received a heartfelt email from a teacher from Bonar Law saying that she could’ve have heard a pin drop. Indeed it was silent as I spoke. And the messages have continued throughout the day. (As I go back and edit this before posting I want to add that I received more messages yesterday than I have in a long time. Each time the plane stopped I would check my Blackberry and have upwards of 40 notifications!) Its days like these that I feel I have found my life’s purpose. I know that there is nothing more meaningful, more valuable or more rewarding that I could be doing with my time.

A student asked me today in front of the entire school if I still drank. Good question… In the past this question would always leave me feeling uneasy. Yet I would answer it truthfully. Sometimes I would downplay how hard I partied because I never wanted my partying to take away from my message. Well today it was so amazing to be able to say that I haven’t drank in almost two months. What was even better was receiving a genuinely proud ovation from the audience for my accomplishment and new chapter in life. I won’t forget that ovation. I won’t forget the looks on the faces of the kids as they cheered. I look forward to many more experiences like this one.

I believe that my presentation is stronger than ever because of where I am in my life right now. My words and my message make more sense and have more purpose than they ever have for me and thus my audiences as well. I have been experiencing this evolution since September, the beginning of this year’s speaking schedule. Quitting drinking, writing my book and overcoming so much since the Spring have all been contributing factors to my growth as a person and subsequent lessons I am able to share.

I felt a huge sense of accomplishment and pride as I left the school and loaded myself and my wheelchair into my rental car. As I often do when I feel so happy, I thought of the greatest love of my life Melissa. Today was a special day for her. It’s her birthday, and I so wanted to be a part of her day. We have been broken up for months, but I still think of her regularly. I frequently look back on the two and a half years spent together. They were some of the most special and happy of my life. I often wish I could combine those days with where I am now. It seems so clear to me that it would only lead to even happier times. I pondered the thought of whether I should call Melissa and wish her a happy birthday. I didn’t ponder long… I made the call from the parking lot of the school. I didn’t share with her the full magnitude of the experiences I had just had. I listened to her news instead. It is always great to hear her voice; though I find myself wondering if she wants to hear mine so much anymore. It was somewhat of a bittersweet call, but I have no regrets on making it. It just left me wishing so badly that I could be a bigger part of her day. I think more than anything I just wish to still be a part of her life. It was a strange combined feeling I had: such immense happiness and purpose on one side but there was one little piece was missing - actually a big piece. I drove away from the school with love on my mind.

I just drove. I explored the magnificent coast of New Brunswick while listening to the latest release by the Dropkick Murphys. The Celtic inspired punk rock seemed so fitting for the beautiful Atlantic scenery I witnessed. The brilliant fall colours struck me with their natural beauty. I passed small Acadian fishing communities, stopping often to snap pictures. I felt connected to these foreign places as I discovered them. There is a magnetic force that always seems to be pulling me to the ocean. I feel at peace when in its mighty presence. I felt the sorrow from my mending heart lift with the recognition of all else that I have to be grateful for. I felt immense happiness and again appreciation for the moments of this memorable day as I took in the sights of the east coast.

I found peace in understanding that although I want it all; I guess I can’t simply have it all. Then again who is to say what “it all” is? I started to realize that I do have it all. This opportunity I was experiencing was profound. I am thousands of miles from home in this beautiful province exploring the opposite coast to where I live. Words from my mouth, my heart, my soul have inspired and impacted who knows how many people today, not to mention my previous day’s presentations. I am breathing. I am seeing. I am hearing. I am feeling. I am living. I am living my dream - my dream to be a better person and to give something back to the world. I have so much to give. I have so much to be grateful for. There is no need to wonder what if. I just have to enjoy what is. Today is what is. Today is great!

As I sit on this beach my hands are completely numb. I can barely feel the keys of the keyboard as I press them. I hope that when I read this and edit the frozen fingered typos later I will have accurately captured and portrayed my feelings and love for this day and this life with my words…

Thanks for reading. And New Brunswick, Thanks for inspiring!

Kevin

Today was a relaxing day. I slept WAY in until 12:30pm New Brunswick time. After my superb sleep I finally felt adjusted to the four hour time change.

I was supposed to be speaking in a town called Nackawick near Fredericton this afternoon, but it ended up being cancelled. I was a little bummed since I came all the way out here to speak, but decided to take advantage of the day off and do some sightseeing.

I explored downtown Moncton today. First I did a drive-by along Main Street to plot out my destinations. I hit Boardertech, the local skate / snow shop first and shot the sh*t with the GM Derek. Afterwards I hit an Irish Pub for some seafood chowder and then a fancier restaurant on the river for mussels, steak and lobster. I tend to eat quite well when I come to the east coast. I just can’t pass up the opportunity to eat all of the fresh treats from the sea here.

Yesterday was a much busier day. I drove over two and a half hours west to Woodstock High School. I did two presentations back to back there for the grade 11 and 12s then 9 and 10s. Each presentation went very well. I was a bit tight on time, so I had to do my best to keep my presentation to an hour. I think the condensed version was an improvement. The students in both groups were absolutely awesome. They were very into the presentation and were quiet during the serious parts and laughing out loud at my jokes. It was such a pleasure to speak at Woodstock.

The emails started coming in almost as soon as I left the school. I got many moving messages yesterday that I managed to respond to over dinner in Fredericton. I want to thank every single person who wrote me yesterday. It is great to know how much you appreciated me speaking at your school. From the messages I read, I could tell that my presentation was both timely and necessary. I was especially stoked to read on Facebook that some students are joining Woodstock’s TADD (Teenagers Against Drinking and Driving) group after hearing me speak. Thank you everybody from yesterday! You were the perfect audience!

Well I am going to keep this one short, which if you read my blogs regularily at all would know is a rarity. Thanks for reading.

Til’ next time.

Kevin

…Although the clock on my computer reads 8:54pm… It is in fact 12:54am where I am right now – Moncton New Brunswick.

My trip out here was so great that I just had to write about it!

Here is the recap of my day…

I woke up feeling rested after sleeping well last night and had a relaxing morning with plenty of time to get to Vancouver Airport (YVR). I decided to go back to Vancouver after the delays at Abbotsford last week. I have no regrets on my decision. For starters I got my usual VIP no wait in line treatment at YVR. There was also a hefty stack of complimentary Province Newspapers to choose from, which I read on my flight. The flight seemed to go especially quick; they served my favourite Bread Garden Thai Chicken Wraps; and there was more than one movie that appealed to me on the PPV. I chose The Taking of Pelham 123, and it was a great movie! Best of all I sat in the very front of the plane, where there is plenty of leg room, and I had nobody sitting beside me to boot!

When I arrived in Moncton, there was no wait for my luggage. I rolled up to AVIS to pick up my rental car and was given a sweet Chevy Impala. The hand control was on the right side like I requested, even though this never seems to happen. I happily pulled out the underground and parked my car. I punched the address for my hotel into my GPS hoping it would show up and save me having to navigate on my own. Not only did the hotel address show up, but every other address I will be visiting during my trip showed up when I punched them in as well. This never happens. I usually have at least one or two schools where I need to do a little bit of work to find them. The night just kept getting better and better!

I arrived at my hotel, The Hampton Inn & Suites in Moncton, which is a beautiful brand new hotel. The lobby was festively decorated in Halloween décor and was sparkly clean. The people at the front desk were both very friendly and made me feel so welcome. Being past midnight here I was hoping they might have a vending machine where I could buy some waters to get me through the night and morning until I can hit a store tomorrow. The friendly guy at the front desk gave me three complimentary ice cold bottles… free stuff from a hotel???? Never heard of that one before. That wasn’t it… I hadn’t eaten dinner and wanted a light snack. Instead of letting me buy cereal from their snack shop the female clerk grabbed me complimentary bowls of Honey Nut Cheerio’s and Frosted Flakes and milk and carried it to my room. How is that for service?! It is no myth that people from the Maritimes are among the friendliest and most giving you could ever meet.

I entered my room, and it was spectacular! I have a huge king sized bed that I melted into as soon as plunked down on it. I have a flat screen TV on the wall and a complimentary fridge to keep my milk cold. It was at this point that I thought “WOW this is too good to be true!!”

Being so jacked from the trip and great night plus the fact that it was still early by western time standards I hoped I could catch the rest of the Canucks game. I wondered if the game by some strange fluke would be on TV here. Usually games from the west are not aired in the east. Sure enough it wasn’t on TV…. But I did find it online and am now watching it. The Canucks are winning 2 – 0 at the beginning of the third. This is my lucky night!!! I think I might go online and buy a lotto ticket from BCLC!

Needless to say, I am smiling pretty big right now. I am so happy to be in New Brunswick. This is about the best start to a trip I have ever had.

It is such a nice change after being so discouraged last week with the issues I faced in my travels. Despite the travel woes last week, the experiences I had speaking at the schools and interacting with everyone in Saskatchewan were great. I left Regina last Thursday thinking “I just made lemonade from lemons for sure.” Truthfully I went home stoked thinking my happiness was the reward for my being resilient. Well, apparently life had a little surprise treat in store for me tonight.

I can’t help but smile right now with the understanding that life seems to always balance out. This universal truth is one of the most comforting and encouraging lessons that life has taught me. No matter what the circumstances, there is always good around the corner… brighter days are always ahead. Bad luck can only last so long, and when you find yourself at the bottom there is only up to go from there. This is how I always find motivation to tough through through the bad and hang on. Life is good. Tonight is proof.

I should be wearing sunglasses tonight because luck is shining bright!

Thanks for reading!

Kevin

PS. I worked on my book tonight… more coming soon…

I am ending my Saskatchewan trip on a double high note. I feel that I should break this blog into two parts to explain both of my final presentations and subsequent experiences…

Part 1.

As far as I could tell, last night’s presentation in Kipling went well. Though honestly, I am never as confident in front of a mixed crowd of adults, teenagers and kids as I am with just the youngers. The crowd last night sat patiently through an hour and half long presentation that ended around 8:30pm. It was great to see so many people from the community come out on their spare time and support SADD and the cause. I was especially stoked to see all of the students who came out to hear me speak again! That made my night – no lie. In addition to teenagers, I spoke with many adults afterwards and their feedback was truly encouraging. Kipling definitely left its mark on my heart yesterday. It’s hard to beat the genuine good nature of prairie people, and Kipling is full of great people. I feel so lucky to have met everyone that I did. One person in particular left a significant mark on me that I know I will not soon forget…

I have been speaking about suicide for a couple of years now. It is one of the more intense parts of my presentation, as well as one of the more powerful. The latter is proven by the amount of positive feedback I get on the topic. During my speech I very openly talk about my own thoughts of prematurely pushing the eject button on life. Anyone reading this please don’t be alarmed. I am not suicidal or anything – quite the contrary. There have just been times in my life when I have been down and out and imagined how ceasing to exist would make it so I would not have to deal with the issues causing my grief. I’ll go on the record saying that I would never kill myself. I learned a long time ago while laying in the hospital bed first paralyzed and mourning Brendan’s death that I could never follow through with the dark thoughts. During those worst days of my life when I seriously considered death as an alternative, my will to live prevailed and I can confidently say without doubt that it always will.

During my presentation, I explain how I have come to overcome any of these thoughts that I periodically face with “a source of inspiration.” My source of inspiration is my youngest sister Hayley. I think of Hayley anytime when life is rough, even when it is Hellish. Picturing Hayley puts life into perspective pretty fast for me and I know that no matter what I will always hang on for that little girl. I explain this to my audiences. At times when I am explaining Hayley’s affect on my life and my choices I wonder in my head if this is relevant to those hearing me speak. I wonder if this would be an effective method for others in similar situations. Well last night my silent questions I have only asked myself were answered.

I was approached by a lady following my evening presentation in Kipling. She recalled a tale from her own past strikingly similar to my anecdotal tales of Hayley’s inspiring me to persevere. The lady in question also had thoughts of suicide when she was younger. She told me she had fought depression. During one particularly tough bout she remained in her room for days, alone with her dark thoughts. When she emerged she told her mom she was going for a walk. This was no regular walk though. She intended to never return from her walk. Her mom sensing that her daughter might be considering ending her own life told her as she walked out the door to look at her young cousin. Her mom asked her to imagine what it would do to her little cousin if she did harmed herself.

As the girl walked, she couldn’t get her mom’s words from her head. She couldn’t get her cousin’s image of childish innocence from her head either. She cursed her mom as she realized that she had just guilted her away from her self destructive mission.

As we spoke last night however the lady recollected the experience from years ago with the utmost gratitude. She told me that she had even used the same tactics with her own children and others close to her. The lady commended me on my words on Hayley as a source of inspiration to never give up. She told me how she was moved by the experience last night.

Well I have to say that I was truly moved by the experience of speaking with the lady. I took her words as a sign that my method I once doubted at times is an effective one.

I don’t know if the lady I am speaking of will read this, but if she does thanks!

Part 2.

I spoke about Hayley inspiring me more confidently than ever today in my presentation. I even asked each student in the room to think of that little kid in their lives should they ever face the dark thoughts…

I’m glad today’s presentation went so well. I was ready for a nap more than anything as I arrived at the school this morning. It was another late night last night… I didn’t get back to my hotel and settled in bed until after midnight. It was another short sleep, but it felt longer and more rejuvenating than my previous two sleeps. I think I clocked in a full 4 ½ hours last night. Needless to say I was feeling pretty tired again today as I rolled out of bed at 5am. I had a mighty drive ahead of me too. I drove just under 400kms this morning to Eastend, Saskatchewan, which contrary to its name is actually on the west side of the province.

My presentation in Eastend was the closer I always want to have while on the road. The audience was so great! They were perfect. The group was small, which I like. I quite enjoy the personal feeling these venues evoke. The group of 60 was a mix of grade 6 – 12s. I really felt that I connected with the audience as well as I ever have. I was so stoked on the presentation that I was throwing in quite a bit of ad lib as it came to me. Consequently I went well into everyone’s lunch hour, but nobody budged or seemed to mind. They even voluntarily stuck around to watch my slideshow and chat and take pictures after. Eastend = Great School! Thanks everyone!

It was a busy last three days. In total I drove almost 2000kms, spoke at three schools and slept a maximum of 13hrs. I received a ton of positive feedback and am still getting it as I sit in the Calgary Airport awaiting my connecting flight home… delayed again. Oh well at least it gave me time to write this blog.

Before my battery dies I want to add this…

Every single day that I am on the road speaking, even when I am at home via email, Facebook etc, I have amazing interactions with people who were inspired by the story I tell… Getting responses from people is how I gauge my effectiveness. I am super inspired right now after all of the emails and messages and conversations like the one I wrote of above. I want to let all of you who write me and speak with me that I am just as inspired by you as you are by me.

THANKS

Kevin

In the spirit of this blog I have to add that I just went and read all of the recent posts on Facebook! WOW! I am smiling big right now. Thank you everyone ~:)

Once again hello from Regina…

It is a sunny relatively warm day here.  I spoke in Kipling this morning, and the presentation was super rad!  I am back at my hotel for a pit stop before another presentation back in Kipling tonight.  I can only hope that it goes even half as well as this morning’s presentation did.  Today was the Kipling SADD Chapter’s first ever big event, and you would have never known it.  They did a great job, and the students and teachers in the audience were absolutely awesome.  I am so grateful that they brought me out.  Thank you everybody from today!!

I am glad that today went so well because I was feeling quite tired again this morning.  My sleep pattern is all messed up right now.  I fell asleep early last night and woke up around 2:30am this morning feeling wide awake.  My mind was racing about so many things I couldn’t fall back asleep.  I think in total since I have been in Saskatchewan I have had only maybe 9 hours of sleep.  That is over a 48 hour period!

There is just so much on my mind that I can’t keep from thinking as I lay in bed.  For starters, I am really excited about a video I found out about yesterday.  It is going to be starring yours truly and will be created as a collaborated effort by my good friends and sponsors from VCAD, CDI and VCC.  I was sent links to other work done by the videographer last night, and have been super stoked ever since seeing them.

Each video corresponds with a different program, and there are some pretty sweet programs.  Check them out!

Addictions Counsellor
Graphic Design
Web Design
Nursing
3D Modelling

After watching the video on the Addictions Counsellor Program at VCC I got thinking.  An addictions counsellor would be a natural fit for me.  I am not sure if I have posted it in here yet, but I have stopped drinking altogether.  With everything that has happened in my life, even this year, and after reflecting so much in writing my book I have decided to go completely straight edge…  Not in a lame-ass militant X on my hand kind of way though – don’t worry.  I am well into week six and feeling great. 

Well I should boogy…  I am going to fill out the form and get more information on the Addictions Counsellor Program.  Who knows, maybe when I retire from speaking or at least cut down my knarly schedule some I could be an addictions counsellor at your school.  Of course you would be graduated by then… but still it would be so rad!!

Well I will check in again tomorrow if I get a chance…  I have a ridiculously busy day or commuting, speaking and flying home…

Later.

KB

Greetings from Saskatchewan!

I arrived in the Land of Living Skies yesterday evening after quite the day. 

The Abbotsford Airport’s slogan is that they make it EZR…  well they did not make my day easier at all yesterday.  First my flight was delayed an hour, an hour I spent sitting in the biggest line I have ever seen.  Actually it was so long that it could no longer exist in line form and was a spiral around and around the entire airport lobby. 

When I finally did arrive in Calgary for my layover between Abbotsford and Regina I learned that I might not even be able to fly out until the next morning.  I pulled the “wheelchair card” as well as the “I have a bunch of students looking forward to hearing me speak tomorrow that I can’t let down card.”  Both valid cards, as good as a pair of Aces, because I got put on the last flight to Regina. 

I finally arrived in Regina at 11pm…  Over 12hrs after I left my home and 6hrs later than I was originally supposed to arrive.  But the ordeal wasn’t over.  The bridge was broken, so I ended up stuck on the plane for another 15minutes until a portable staircase resembling that of an industrial painters’ was rolled to the plane.  I should add how fun it is to be carried down a flight of metal stairs by two random dudes.

Once I have finished this blog the plan is to write a friendly letter to West Jet seeking some sort of reimbursement for my hassles yesterday.  I feel confident that I will hear a response since the last time I complained about unacceptable travel delays I was sent a $250 credit via email to be used on any upcoming flight.  Ironically I used it on the flight in question.  I see it two ways…  I either get a reimbursement and curse the curse of the reimbursement or else I take advantage of the curse and rake in the free flights…  hmmm…  decisions, decisions.

I was so absolutely worn out by the time I got to my rental car – a silver Pontiac G6.  AT least all systems were a go with my car.  I plugged the address for the Regina Inn into my GPS as well as the latest GNR CD and made my way to my bed for the next three nights.  Just being in Saskatchewan raised my spirits.  There is something about this province that warms me up inside…  even when it cools me down on the outside…  It is minus 3C outside right now, so definitely colder here than it is at home.

I think I got a maximum of 3 ½ hours sleep last night once I finally fell asleep.  My mind was racing after my commute from Hell and I was at that point of being beyond tired.  Despite my fatigue, my brain was  somehow working double time and fighting sleep with thoughts of the day and multi-school tour ahead, my book I am still working on and a very special someone that never seems to be far from my thoughts. The familiar and relatively peaceful sound of the Rancid song The Highway woke me up bright and early at 5:15am this morning…  Too early indeed and technically it was only 4:15am with me still being on BC time.

I arrived at my destination of Annaheim, Saskatchewan with some time to spare this morning.  It was better than being late, but I was definitely thinking “I could’ve slept in another hour!!”  I took the time to sit in my rental car and write this blog that I just rewrote completely as I now sit in Regina at the restaurant in my hotel. 

My presentation today was sweet.  The audience was so rad!  It is always very encouraging to not be feeling on my game and have 300 students from half way across Canada give me the respect and attention I received today.  This is just another reason why I love Saskatchewan – the GREAT people!

There was an entire event planned for today in Annaheim with a variety of schools visiting from neighbouring communities.  I was very impressed with the entire day and super stoked to be a part of it, even if I was yawning the entire day.  Hopefully not too many people noticed!  It had nothing to do with where I was.  My tiredness I believe was properly explained in paragraphs one to three.

After today I am especially looking forward to the remainder of my time here in Saskatchewan.  I speak tomorrow in a town called Kipling and then Thursday in Eastend.  Next week I am off to New Brunswick, which reminds me I need to book my flight.

Thanks for reading!

Big THANKS to everyone from today!

-: )

Kevin