I have been responding to emails for hours.  It’s tiring.  I’ll admit it.  But I have to keep up, lest I fall behind and miss writing someone back.  I have gotten a lot of really deep emails in the last month…  Well I get them all the time, but this past month or so since I started touring I’ve seen a major influx in my inbox.

The majority of the messages I get from young people these days deal with depression, suicide, self-harm.  Young people who are lacking purpose, or hope or motivation.  I relate to these young people who write me and just hope they get the support and help and find the strength to get past the tough times to find better days.  As I read, I often I recall some of my darker days when I was a teen or freshly injured after the crash and more than a couple times in years that followed thinking “F#ck it all. F*ck the world.  I wish I wasn’t here!”  There were times… I couldn’t imagine life getting any better…  I felt lost and without hope or motivation. 

But I never quit. 

And I am here writing these words right now only for this reason.  I NEVER GAVE UP!! 

Now, I’m not really religious so for me to write Thank God doesn’t really express my gratitude…  So instead Thank METAL I always dug myself out of these spots.  Thank My Family I never followed through with any of those thoughts of giving up.  Thank LIFE that I stuck it out and got through the times of confusion. 

I write this now and I am feeling so grateful for every second of life I have lived and will continue to live…  Yes, even the tougher ones…  It may sound crazy I know.  But you know what?  Overcoming those tough times taught me some tough and valuable lessons that have enabled me to hold my head higher, fight harder, smile bigger and live happier today than I ever have before.  The crappiest of times I endured indeed led me to a better place.  And they can for anyone who chooses to not give up; to think positively; and to find your way to a better day.

Here are two inspiring stories that were sent to me in the past month.  These are from teenage students who have found their way to overcome immense struggle.  I hope these stories inspire you who read them as much as they inspire me.  I hope they go to show that none of us are alone.  There is someone out there who cares.  Maybe not even a person…  But they care!  Hell, I care about everyone who writes me and everyone I speak to regardless if I’ll ever meet you face to face, or shake your hand, or hear your voice…. I believe we are all connected through the journeys through life we are each leading.  We can be bonded by our stories, whether they are happy or sad ones.  And by sharing our stories, we learn and we teach and we connect…

These stories connected with me.  BIG TIME.  And apparently my story connected with each author.  If you connect to these stories, please post a message.  Show your support.  Share your story.  We are all bonded by OUR STORIES.

Enjoy!

Mr Brooks,

Today you were at my school and you couldn’t have possibly noticed me out of all of those people in the massive gym, but we all noticed you and we all felt some kind of hurt by your story.

Your story moved not only me but all of the people in the room. Towards the end you spoke of a girl that was messaging you about her depression and cutting, you also talked about how no one is ever alone. You made me realize that there is at least one person in this world that might care and I have her. She realized I was cutting and she kissed my arms and told me she loves me and that everything would be okay. I never thought I would hear her tell me she cares as much as she does. We have been together for six months and she means everything to me. I have loved her for almost four years now and I never told her. Your presentation gave me the courage to admit everything to her about my depression, cutting, eating problems, and problems at home. We cried together, held each other and really opened up.

I want to thank you again for coming to my school and telling us your story. It means so much to me because it proved to me that no matter how much someone can go through they can still go on with life and wake up every morning, pull yourself out of bed and take your next breath. I must admit that I started to cry when you talked about your friend not making it out of the crash and when the slide show was playing showing everything that so many people take for granted, I guess when they say you don’t really know what you have until its gone no one really understands it until they actually do lose everything.

You are a very strong man for being able to pull through. I was upset this evening, I turned my iPod on high and was on the edge of cutting, but all I did was wiggle my toes and I thought that what if I cut too deep and died? I would hurt so many people that I love and I don’t want to do that, I have so much that I never thought that I would actually have to think about it and actually gain the courage to throw my blades away. I know we have never met in person you just talked and made me see my life in a whole new way. I love you for that. Thank you again

Dear Kevin,

Hi. I’m ______. I was at your presentation a few days ago…anyway. If you were to ask anyone about me, they would probably say I was crazy. Funny maybe. Sociable. All that shit. But inside I couldn’t stand it. Anything. I had already had a history with drugs because my family was in to that…yadda yadda. So I had easy access. And I wasn’t feeling good. I felt like no one knew me. So I started using pills. Not shit like Aspirin or Tylenol. Serious stuff like Concerta, which in case you didn’t know is called “speed” on the streets. I had a prescription for it, but I never used it. So it just collected up, then I started to use them. I would take like 8 days worth at one time. I’d feel as if the drugs were the only ones that could understand me. I live with my grandmother, and she doesn’t get me at alllll. I know she wants to help, but I don’t feel it. So that’s why I started pillin’. Finally, I realized how much of a bum I was. I was a druggie.

I hated myself, so then I started drinking, then eventually got back into drugs, more stuff though this time, like heroin, meth, cough syrup, bad stuff. Then, I thought, what was the point? I’m just taking up space. I felt as if it was me against the world. I knew enough about drugs that I knew what which ones could do what, the whole 9 yards. So I made a plan. I was going to take a mixture that would surely end my life. I had gotten it all ready the morning of your presentation. It was in my sock drawer. But then we had your presentation. It didn’t hit me until I got home. I got home, looked at the pills, then at my feet. I wiggled my toes. Then my fingers. Then I went outside, to where my dog was. “Can you wiggle your toes Buddy?”. He looked at me, then he licked my toes (I was wearing sandals). I went inside and got the pills, crushed them up, and went outside. I went inside the shed, got a shovel, and started digging behind my house. I dropped the napkin that the pills were wrapped in, and then I wiggled my toes again. Then I covered up the hole, put the shovel back. Then I went inside and got some dog treats for Buddy. I went outside to Buddy, I bent over and gave them to him. He didn’t eat them. He licked my toes again. Thank you

NEVER GIVE UP!!

Well my trip to Vermont was SO worth while…  The students seemed to really be moved by my presentations and many expressed this in person and by email.  I responded to emails for hours on end last night until my eyes were dried up and my brain was depleted.  In all of my travels to Vermont (four trips in just one year) it seems to be a State where my story really resignates with the students.  I LOVE going to Vermont and can’t wait to go back again.

The trip home was more of the same United incompetence I encountered on my trip to Vermont, but I bit my lip and secretly vowed to never fly United again.  What cheered me up and made it again worth while was reading countless emails from the students I spoke to earlier in the day.  Not to mention the fresh and fond memories I had from Colchester high warming my heart as I sat on that cold plane due west.

I read and I wrote.  I read and I wrote.  I read and I wrote….

Since I hit the road almost 3 weeks ago I have seen emails from each school I have been to.  I’d estimate that I have gotten over 500 emails in this time and have responded to almost everyone.  I still have some new ones from today to respond to.

This goes for anyone, anywhere reading this…

I encourage any of you who have written me to talk to the counselors and administration at your school about the issues you face in your personal lives and anything that may happen within the confounds of your school.  Every school I have been to whether it be in Canada or the USA has protocols and policies in place to deal with the issues that you bring to my attention and the challenges you face no matter what they are.  And if for some reason your school doesn’t have a protocol in place to deal with a certain issue, then I am sure if you talk to a counselor or administrator they will look into the issue and find a way to support you or whoever it is that needs the support.  Schools try their very best to be a healthy, positive and safe environment for students, and I fully support each school that has ever invited me in their doors to speak to their students and the intitaitives they put forward.

I need to remind everyone that I am in no way a professional counselor.  My advice comes from  the heart, and often times my own experiences which leaves much room for error or misconceptions.  All I can say here is I do my best to support everyone that writes me.  But I have to say it can be a daunting task at the best of times and can be very overwhelming for me.  On any given day I can pick up my Blackberry and I have 100 unread messages!!  But I just responded to 60 yesterday…  This is not uncommon.

I hear from people who are suicidal and depressed;  who are bullied and self-harming; who have lost friends and family and are grieving; who are abusing substances like drugs and alcohol; who have been abused, abandoned, are homeless and often times hopeless…  The list goes on and on and on.  Now of course there is the flip side to this.  I hear from people who are empowered and who write me positive messages about positive changes they have made or intend to make in their lives as well…  The latter are the easy ones to respond to.

I guess the point of this blog is to just come clean and tell you all I am only human - just like you.  Although my voice may reach the far corners of the gymnasium or auditorium this is likely because it is amplified by a mic.  I don’t wear a cape.  Only a wheelchair and I just do my best to help as many people as I possibly can.  But I can only do so much.

There are resources at everyone’s disposal whether they be in your school; your community; online or by picking up a phone and finding support.  Maybe it is family and or friends.  There are people in your life who can and will support you.  I am very grateful you come to me, but please also go to someone else because I truthfully (and I really wish that I could be) can’t be everywhere for everyone all at once.

I am not trying to bail on anyone here.  I encourage you to write me if it feels like the right thing to do.  I will continue to spend as many hours as it takes to write you back and offer whatever I can as advice or support.  But please don’t take my words or responses as gospel.  If you don’t agree with something I suggest, disregard it.  If you are unsure or uncomfortable about anything I might encourage feel free to write me back and voice your opinion or ask me what exactly I meant.

I am trying to do something positive here for a lot of people.  All I can do is try my best and hope that somehow I encourage people to make right choices and to also get the proper support that they need withing their own community.  It can’t just be me.  There needs to be someone else.  Maybe multiple someone elses. 

No matter what I say or write, at the end of the day it is the choices you make that will truly make the difference.  Only we can truly help ourselves…  And sometimes helping ourselves means getting support from others.  Nobody has to take the world on alone.

I was sent a really cool quote last week that I want to post here.  I changed it just a little to make it apply more to my own presentation…

“Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall”

It is ok to fall, just get back up.  And sometimes I even need a hand getting back up off the floor.  It’s ok to ask for help.  It’s ok to ask me for help.  But help me help you by also getting yourself some help and support in your own school and / or community.

I wish everyone a very happy Holiday Season.  This past month has been amazing!  I am so grateful for the people I meet on the road and hope to keep going strong all over N America in the new year!!

Before I go I have to thank again everyone from every school in this past month an beyond.  From BC to Winnipeg and the amazing MPI Friends For Life Tour to Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan to Colchester, Vermont…  You all have made for an amazing month that has truly inspired me and put a great big, giant, proud smile on this face of mine!!

Thanks,

Kevin