Day 8 of the tour today…  Today was a short one as I only had one presentation.  I spoke this morning at Kildonan East Collegiate in Winnipeg.  I learned before my presentation started that I had a little less than an hour to complete my presentation.  Ummm…  Kind of freaked me out, considering my talks are in the 75minute department again.  So with two cups of Joe providing the energy I spoke as quickly and understandably as I could.

The 400+ grade 10s at Kildonan East were awesome today!  Yet again, I had another positively memorable experience on this MPI Friends for Life Tour.  It was great to have my old pal from MPI, Adam, along today as well as Nate rolling out for some added support.

My afternoon presentation had been cancelled last week after another young man lost his life two weekends ago in a car crash.  So out of 20 schools in two weeks, 2 lost young men to car crashes.  I guess this is a sad reality check of how serious the issue of young people dying in motor vehicle crashes is in Manitoba, Canada, North America… and I am sure the world.  Hearing sad stories like these really makes me hope that the words I speak that are heard, remembered and used.

It was strange to have an entire day to myself here in Manitoba.  I took advantage of the plus zero temperature and sunny skies and did some rolling and exploring around The Forks.  I spent a good hour or so weaving in and out of tiny shops and markets.  I bought a few souvenirs and then headed back for my room, where I have been holed up and writing ever since…  About 6.5 hours now.  You may not be surprised that it didn’t take me many of these six hours to write this blog.  No, most of my time has been spent responding to students and I think the inspiring words and energy levels are depleted.  My gaslight is on, and I don’t think I’ll be filling up again until tomorrow.

I have two more speaking days left here in Manitoba then a weekend to hang out and explore.  It’s hard to believe how fast two weeks go by.  But on the same note, it seems like a really long time since I have been home.  This is my first big tour of the school year, and so far it has been great!  Let’s hope for more to come and if they’re even half as rewarding and awesome as this tour has been I will be stoked!

Thank you Manitobans for being the great people you are.  I feel right at home here, especially when I can wear a hoody in the middle of November!!

Night!

KB

Pretty sick day today.  I was feeling a lot less haggard than I was yesterday.  Not sure why, but I felt like a zombie yesterday, and if you read my last blog you may have noticed me not write like me normally would.

I had  a pretty decent sleep last night after filling my belly with scallops, chicken and spuds.  The food at the Inn at The Forks, where I am staying, is phenomenal.  So after my feast,  I read and responded to a few emails then went to bed feeling proud of the work I have been doing so far during this Friends For Life Tour.

My MPI chaperone du jour today was Monica.  She had been my contact throughout the booking process and I’d met her briefly at the media event last Friday then again at the dinner afterwards, but besides that I didn’t really know her.  That all changed today.  Monica likes Mad Caddies, Bad Religion, NOFX, Pennywise and a long list of punk bands I love as well.  Can you say insta-friends??  Insta-Friends For Life!!  I tend to bond instantly with anyone who digs punk or good metal.  I introduced Monica to Ellwood, a Mad Caddies side project, as we made our way to Woodlands.  Yeah. Yeah!  If you hit that last link tell me this band isn’t SICK!!

These tours are interesting because I basically type the location of my first presentation into my GPS each morning then just give’r to where she takes me.  I had no clue where Woodlands was.  I had no clue what age the students were.  In fact, my GPS only took me to the highway, so I had to use my finding-rural-schools-that-don’t-show-up-on-the-GPS instinctual skills that I have built over the years to locate our destination.

The sign said Woodlands Elementary School…  Hmm…  I thought maybe the high school was attached.  I asked the secretary inside if this was the high school and learned no it wasn’t.  Fortunately before I headed fast out the door to find the “high school” I supposed I was speaking at I was informed that on this morning I would be speaking here at Woodlands Elemntary School to grade 5 – 8s.  Now speaking to grade 5 – 8 is a lot different than say grades 10 – 12.  If you’ve seen my presentation or even just hung out with me for a while you’d know my sense of humour is not exactly always appropriate for your average 10 or 11 year old.  But I can keep er real when I have to…

So I watched my language and did my best to be relatable to little people more than a third my age (grade 7s & 8s you weren’t that little, but some of the folks up front were tiny!)  My talk ended up going longer than normal, which of course is really long, but the students whether they be wee or big were absolutely awesome!  I figured an hour plus of listening to some “old man” talk (they called me Mr Brooks) might be a bit much to expect.  Yet, there they were… these awesome students at Woodlands listening, participating and showing so much respect as I tried to keep them engaged.  It was a very special morning, and one that I will not soon forget.  You are all AWESOME if you read this.  And I am glad you were such good listeners.  I bet you never guessed I am as old as, or even older than ome of your parents.  Punk Rock keeps one young!  Or maybe it;s just the fact that I DON’T WANNA GROW UP!

Monica and mine’s next stop was Warren, where we had learned earlier that all of the high school aged students from  Woodlands, among others, attended.  We were welcomed into the school and fed lunch in the staff room.  We shot the breeze with teachers and counsellors and such while a very helpful teacher assembled the AV requirements for my presentation. 

The students at Warren were really cool today.  It was a pretty full room, and I chose to yell as opposed to wear a headset mic and look like Slapchop Guy or worse yet, Brittany Spears.  I feel like a bit of a prima donna when I decline the headset, but I am Kevin Brooks afterall, not Garth Brooks – no relation in case you were wondering!  So for about seventy minutes I projected my voice as loud as I could and all-the-while felt my words connecting with 200+ students.  This was a great way to compliment an already awesome day!  Thanks to everyone from Warren.  It was great hanging after and chatting and taking pictures too.  Oh and I think it’s safe to say that you tagged the Friends For Life banner today more than any other school to date that I have seen!  Nice work! Very Nice!

So that’s about it.  Back in my room now and firing off a blog before I head for Thai food.  As tasty as The Current restaurant is here at Inn at the Forks, I am going to be adventurous tonight.

This tour just keeps rolling along with one positive experience after another.  I am very grateful to be back in Manitoba and for the opportunity I have had to meet so many great people!

kòp kun táng

\m/\m/

Kevin

Last week ended on a high note…  A super high note! 

I spoke in Wawanesa as my final presentation of the week.  On a sad note, my Friday afternoon presentation had been cancelled.  It was decided to be too fresh after a after a boy was killed in a car crash the previous weekend who attended the school.  I couldn’t help but think last week that a family’s world had been torn apart by another tragic fatality.  This sad news was yet another reminder of how important it is to get this message out.  I only hope students hearing presentations make the connection and think before they hop in dangerous situations in vehicles.

The audience at Wawanesa were awesome!  As good as it gets!  I really felt on my game after nine presentations in five days, and it seemed to be working for the students in the auditorium.  Thanks everyone from Wawanesa!

From Wawanesa, Chris and I made our way to Winnipeg to hopefully catch the tail end of a media event promoting the Manitoba Public Insurance Friends for Life Speakers tour.  We indeed got to the event in time and were able to watch my dear friends and partner in The Drive To Save Lives, Cara Filler give her heartfelt presentation.  It is a rare occasion that I am on the audience end of a presentation, and it was nice to listen instead of speak for once.  Though I have to admit after hearing Cara’s powerful story and message I felt like grabbing the mic and giving an impromptu presentation.

I also met with many of the great people from MPI and T.A.D.D. Manitoba whom I had met last year.  The event had a very positive vibe, and it was awesome to see those responsible for bringing me back to Manitoba for the second time in less than a year!  Many of us met for dinner at the Spaghetti Factory in the Forks later that evening, before I headed for my bed and a great big and well deserved sleep.

The weekend went by pretty fast.  I got the rest I needed and was up early again today to speak in Carman.  Everyone at Carman today was awesome!  This was the perfect way to start week #2.  After a stellar hour and a half at Carman which included a presentation, an awesome Q&A, some good chill time with students and a radio interview, Jeanie (my MPI chaperone du jour) and I made our way to Morden via a drive-by lunch at Subway.

My afternoon talk in Morden was to a larger audience and just kind of fell together in time as the A & the V was causing some issues.  Actually it was only audio issues, but thanks to a great pit crew we got the presentation going.  The students were great.  They laughed at my jokes and seemed really interested in what I had to say.  It was yet another unforgettable double-header of a day for me.

I am now back at my hotel, and my brain feels pretty fried.  I am not sure why, and you may have noticed if you are a regular blog reader that I’m not firing on all cylinders right now.  So I am going to end this blog and go grab some dinner.  The plan for the night is to respond to as many emails as I can.  I have just under 60 emails lighting up my inbox.  If you’ve written me and haven’t heard back yet, this is why.  I will get to you.

I’m out!

Thanks for reading!!

Kevin

There isn’t a feeling I know better than to know I have helped someone out in some positive way or changed or saved a person’s life.  It’s why I will likely never be able to stop sharing my story with young people.  Here is just one example of the emails I get every single day.  This one made me smile.  They all do!

Hey Kevin,

First off, you’ll realize this has taken me almost half a year to write! Sorry about that! I’m not even sure if you will get to see this, as I’m sure you receive a ton of letters, but I felt like I should write anyway.

I was blessed with the opportunity to hear you speak this past summer at the National SADD Conference in Chicago, Illinois. As soon as I read your story in the agenda book, I made sure to remember to be downstairs early to get a good seat. Your presentation really changed my outlook on life. I could relate, in some way, to everything you had to say. My brother had neuroblastoma stage IV cancer when he was born, and our hometown doctors here in Iowa did not catch it. It then spread and damaged his spine. Consequently, he has been in a wheelchair his entire life.

When you mentioned your sister wishing on her birthday that you could walk, I was reminded of myself. I did the same thing for my birthdays when I was younger. I could also relate to the loss of your close friends, especially the suicide incident. I am now a senior, but I remember the events of my sophomore year as though they happened yesterday. The summer before that year, a friend hanged himself. Five days later, my best friend’s mom died of cancer. Only four short months later, he committed suicide – no warning, no note… Just gone. That was and still is the hardest thing I had gone through. I thought it was all over, but then in March, of that school year, a good childhood friend was messing around on buildings uptown and was accidentally electrocuted to death. Not even a week later, the day of his funeral, another friend committed suicide.

When our town felt like we would break if anything else happened, another acquaintance, who had just graduated only three or four days earlier, accidently overdosed on deadly combination of pills at a “pharm” party.

Now the point of telling you all of that is – your ‘slogan’ “Just Wiggle Your Toes” hit home with me, hard. When you started talking about the guilt, the emotions, the depression, etc. I immediately broke down as I realized I had felt the same way. Then when you told us to wake up each morning and wiggle our toes to remind ourselves to be grateful, I realized that I had been letting all of those events hold me back. I now wake up each morning and wiggle my toes. Every time something is really getting me down, I remember to be grateful for what I do have, instead of letting what I have lost drag me down from my full potential. Basically, what I am trying to get across by sharing all of this is that you helped me to be able to move forward. Even two years and a month later, the lost of my best friend is still surreal, but you helped me to really start healing.

I cannot explain how grateful I am to you for taking the time to come and speak to us. Your story, persistence, outlook, etc. are truly inspiring. I admire how you have turned a tragic event around to help other people. I know this isn’t enough to express my gratitude, but thank you, thank you, THANK YOU.

Sincerely,
Morgan Chapman

P.S. I enjoy following you on Twitter & having you as a friend on Facebook. It is cool to see what you are doing and what you have to say about things. Also, your pictures have had a huge impact on my brother (as I have shared a couple) and I. I was amazed by the pictures of you bungee jumping in your wheelchair and shared them with him, as I feel he sometimes is discouraged by the fact he cannot walk. He thought that was the coolest thing ever, so thanks for showing others that they can do whatever they want!

Another good sleep in this morning, and another good day as well.  It was really cold again today.  I think I heard -21C with wind-chill or something.  Nothing compared to the -30C they are predicting for tomorrow.  It definitely feels like winter with the snow falling and my snot freezing!

My presentation this morning at Crocus Plains was probably the biggest of this tour.  There were close to 1000 students in the gymnasium, and I came in jacked on caffeine and looking to kick some butt.  Time was a bit of a factor (story of my life), but I got the ok to take what I needed – and I did.  But right near the end of the presentation there was an announcement, which to me seemed to indicate that most of the students needed to leave, so I wrapped things up as quickly as I could and ended without showing my video.  I always prefer to show my video, but it didn’t seem possible until a teacher gave me the green light!  Stoked!  I asked the students if they’d prefer to watch a video or go back to class, and no-brainer the consensus was VIDEO!  VIDEO!!  I got some good cheers and was met by many people to chat, shake hands, answer questions, hug and even sign a few John Hancock’s after my presentation.  Thanks everyone from Crocus Plains for being a good audience and big thanks to the T.A.D.D. group and teachers who helped get everything set up so quickly!!

From Crocus Plains, Chris and I headed west towards the Saskatchewan border to a town called Virden.  It was big little town or little big town depending on who you ask I suppose with a lot of oil beneath the soil.  We arrived early and had a cold pizza party in the student parking lot.  When the lunch bell rang we tried to decide whether the students wearily walking past us figured us for narcs or creeps.  Kind of awkward hanging in a high school parking lot, but hey where else are we supposed to hang out before a presentation?  I didn’t see a 7-11.

About 45minutes from show time, we headed for the school.  It was damn cold outside, so I left Chris to fumble with his set up materials by the car while I raced for the entrance of the school.  I rolled into the office, and the secretary kind of looked me up and down.  Her look seemed to beg the questions… “Dude in Mohawk wearing Rancid hoodie…  Who are you and why are you here?”  I said “hey I am the speaker.  I bet it was hard to tell since I am so dressed up eh?”  Ohh sarcasm, how I love thee!!

We met with the T.A.D.D. group inside the gymnasium led by a really cool teacher who not only recognized my Rancid hoodie, but also my Mad Caddies, Alkaline Trio and SNFU stickers on the back of my chair.  She had seen all of these bands apparently.  Punk Rock teachers!!  Where were you when I was in high school?  The T.A.D.D. group were friendly and helpful, and we were set up and ready to rock in no time.

There were a few hundred students on the floor, so I weaved through them as best I could as I spoke.  I felt I gave a strong presentation this afternoon and the audience response reinforced this.  I got two questions after my talk: 1) Can you do a wheelie?  cheeky and awesome and super funny! 2) What does GFYS stand for? God Forgive Your Sins, Good For You Son and Go Find Yourself of course!!  It was a fun presentation and a great group and school, and after an hour plus of hanging out, Chris and I headed back through the blistering snow to Brandon.

This is where I sit now.  Yeah for real!  I am sitting!!  Weird eh??  First priority is post this blog, and then we are going to hit a fancy restaurant for our final night in Brandon.  Maybe I should change this Rancid hoodie eh?  I’ll put on my MANOWAR one instead.

Thanks to everyone from today!  It was another awesome day in two great schools.  This M.P.I. tour has been a blast so far. Life on the road is good!!

I’m Gonna Stay Young Til I Die

Kevin

So each day just keeps getting better than the last.  I love being on tour.  Almost every moment of my life on the road is filled with positive moments.  Today was yet another GREAT day!! 

I started the morning in Brandon, MB (where I have set up shop for the week) at a school called Neelin.  This was the second biggest audience I have had on this tour.  I headed into the school a little rushed for time.  Have you ever noticed how when you are so close to somewhere it is hard to be on time, yet when you are far from somewhere you get there early?  This happens to me a lot. I even had a chance to sleep in today until 8am and did, but found myself responding to emails and writing a blog and overflowing my bathtub in my room and just feeling scattered this morning when I should really have been out the door already.

So no jacket and gloves (in -18C weather with wind-chill) and even more frightening NO COFFEE I began my day.  Everything fell into place this morning at Neelin thankfully, and my presentation started pretty well on time.  The audience was pretty awesome from the beginning.  They laughed at my jokes, were stoked on my punk rock wheelchair, responded to my skateboarding comments and were a really attentive group.  My talk is running around 65-70minutes again now in its new and I like to think improved form, so I went past the lunch bell.  I asked the audience if they were down to watch a video on their time and I didn’t hear any protest.  Seven minutes later I got my first standing ovation of the tour.  It was a beauty!  SO STOKED!!  I didn’t have much time before my next talk, so I hung out, hugged, high fived and posed for pictures with everyone I could before it was time to go.  I wish every morning could be like todays!!  Thanks everyone from Neelin.

It’s hard not to think it’s going to be hard to top that experience after the response I had just got at Neelin.  I think I even said it as I left the school.  But I have learned it is not so much about topping, as it is at least about matching or comparing.  My afternoon presentation and experience in Souris did not trump Neelin, but it was definitely on the same field, but then again in an altogether different league.

In the morning I had a mic and spoke to hundreds and hundreds of students from the city.  In the afternoon I just used my voice to speak to maybe one hundred and fifty students from a small rural town.  It’s nice to mix it up, and keep things fresh.  This afternoon was again an amazing experience.

I feel on my game.  I feel like I can really work a room again.  I feel like my good old self, and does it ever feel great!  I watched a room full of grade 7 – 12s come a long for a rollercoaster ride this afternoon as I shared my story.  The words came from my mouth with ease, meaning and sincerity, and from what I was watching they were being heard and felt.  I watched as lips began to quiver, eyes began to water and eventually emotion overcame teenage guys and girls.  And when it was all over, I really felt like I had made a difference this afternoon.  I was crowded afterwards by students who chose to hang out and chat with me rather than leave school for home.  It was after all the end of the day.  I heard stories of pain and loss, and hopefully was able to inspire these great young people I spoke to with so much potential to never give up, to think before they make bad choices and to at the very least be nice.

I left Souris today on top of the world.  With each positive experience I am having on this trip, I am reminded exactly why I love speaking.  I am reminded why I do this.  I am reminded of how lucky I am to be able to travel and inspire young people.  And I am reminded how important it is to share this message with young people.

I don’t do this for me.  I do it for all of you.  But you do something for me.  I think I kind of lost touch with that over the summer.  I found myself doubting that I could go out and speak in hundreds of more schools over the period of another year.  In the end, here I am.  And I am so grateful to be where I am.  Maybe I needed that little bit of question and doubt and fear even when looking back on last year and considering what lay ahead this year to be able to truly appreciate the experiences I am having right now.

I found a way today.  I found a way yesterday and the day before.  I will find a way tomorrow and I will keep finding a way to remain enthusiastic and inspired to share my / our story with you all.

Thanks to everybody from Neelin and Souris today.  Thanks to everyone who has wrote me over the past few days.  I will be getting to my emails after dinner.

Just Wiggle Your Toes.

Kevin

Yesterday was another great day!  Cold, but great!!  To anyone from the greater Vancouver area of BC, we really have no clue what winter is as opposed to the rest of Canada – and definitely Manitoba.

I spoke in two smaller schools in rural farming towns east of Brandon yesterday.  My first talk was in Glenboro in a great gym-turned-auditorium.  The acoustics were awesome; the students were comfy and snugly close.  It was a very intimate setting, and I felt my presentation really hit home for many.  I have been trying to get my presentation to prime form this year that is grade AAA KevyMetal approved, and this is no easy task.  I have pretty high standards for myself, but yesterday’s first presentation felt like FINALLY I had come close to where I really want my presentation to be.

From Glenboro, Chris from Manitoba Public Insurance and I made our way east to another small town called Baldur.  I spoke here to the grade 7 – 12 students as well as another bussed in group of 7 – 12 students from a neighbouring school.  I again was very happy with my presentation.  The flow has started to come to me, and the order of content is definitely where I want it.  I have a really hard time switching up my talk in any drastic way, but this year I made that choice to do so.  It really hasn’t been easy, but well worth it now that I can see it coming together.  I was surrounded by a number of students after my talk in Baldur yesterday, which I always like because it is a clear indicator that I had some affect on the people I have just spoken to.

Both groups from Glenboro and Baldur were awesome yesterday!  Thanks so much for being respectful and attentive listeners.  I hope our time together was something special for you all.  I see a couple pages of new emails to respond to, so let’s hope that is an indicator that it was.

Upon returning to Brandon, Chris and I went to The Keg for bigass steak dinners.  We met his friend Shannon there, who is definitely the coolest Church Minister’s I have ever met – not that I have met many Ministers in my day.  But Shannon definitely broke down any preconceived notions I had about those high up in the hierarchy of the church being dry, boring and or on a pedestal unreachable from a non-church going punk like myself.

Once I got back to my room (heat jacked to 78F), belly full of red meat and eyes weary from two sleep deprived nights it wasn’t long before I fell asleep.  I had a great sleep last night and feel recharged and ready to rock today!

This tour has been sick so far!  I’d like to thank MPI, Manitoba Public School Board and T.A.D.D. (Teenagers Against Drinking & Driving) for the opportunity.  And lastly, thanks to all of the schools I have visited so far.  Retelling My Story isn’t an easy task, but your hospitality and respect have made for four positively memorable experiences so far.  Let’s hope for 16 more before in the coming two weeks!!

Listen To Metal

Kevin

So I’m in Brandon, Manitoba eh?  Kind of like saying ‘eh’ a lot more than I used to eh?

I almost didn’t make it here yesterday.  First I set my alarm for 6:45 instead of 6:15am.  Luckily I figured out pre-shower that I had barely enough time to get to the airport.  Then I get down to my truck and the battery is completely dead.  I’m losing it.  Power calling my mom at 7:30am hoping she’ll answer so she can come give me a jump start.  After the fifth call, she finally answers and drives down.  Awesome!  Well, mom drives a Volvo, and the battery is in the trunk.  There are special battery connections in the engine, but you have to look them up in the manual.  Time is of the essence here eh!?  We finally get my truck started, and I get to the airport barely in time for my flight.  Had it been any other day than Sunday there is no way I would’ve made it.  Such a stressful start to the trip.

I spoiled myself on the plane by playing Crackdike (better known as Klondike / Solitaire) on my iPod and sleeping the majority of the way.  I finally arrived in Winnipeg abot 3hours later where I met Chris (my chaperone from MPI and  a pretty awesome guy) and the tour began.

Upon arriving in Brandon, Manitoba around dinner time last night I was informed that Telus is useless here, so my Blackberry is little more than a paperweight…  Well, paperweight \ alarm clock.  Which reminds me, never wake up to the theme music Star Wars.  It seemed like a good idea at the time, and don’t even ask why I have the theme music to Star Wars on my Blackberry.  But not the epic wake up I was hoping for.

Today was a good day.  I started the morning early: 5:15am Manitoba time, so really 3:15am BC time.  My old friend Joe Cup aka coffee gave me the necessary kick in the pants, and off to Treheme we headed.  Chris drove, which was a nice change and I chilled for the two hour-ish commute.

My first talk of the tour at Treheme Collegiate was the perfect way to start the tour.  Everyone was awesome!  My second talk of the day was at Vincent Massey, back in Brandon, to a much larger audience than I’d had in the morning.  Once again, everyone was awesome, and I ended the first day pretty stoked!  I would have Tweeted about it, but I have no reception FML!

Tonight, Chris and I went for dinner at Andres, I think it was called, and now I am just stuffed and ready for bed.  I wanted to blast off this blog quickly though and thank everyone from today for being so welcoming and awesome!

This is my second trip to Manitoba for an MPI tour.  My last trip was so epic.  This tour had some big expectations to fill, but today proved that it’s going to be another beauty.

That’s it for me tonight.  I hear my bed calling my name.

Night.

KB

Well, well, well… 

So I wish I could blame my humongous hiatus of the blog writing variety on my crooked, bent and demented left index finger.  But that injury happened weeks ago; whereas my last blog entry was posted May 10, 2011 (and I hardly even wrote most of that one!)  So maybe instead my painful typing impediment is just karma for keeping any of my loyal blog readers hanging for so long…  Yeah like you were lost without my words of wisdom…  did you at least miss my cheekiness and smart-assery?  Maybe my demented appendage is karma for hundreds of bad wheelchair jokes about having “one arm”…  regardless I’m typing in pain, so please appreciate!

So yeah, it’s been a while eh?… Where to begin???

Hi Everybody!!! 

… Last year (and I use the term “year” to describe the past school year) was amazing.  I don’t think it could have been any better.  I spoke more than I ever have in a year; I saw many great parts of North America I’ve never seen before and revisited some I was more than happy to go back to: Winnipeg, Alaska, Southern California, Vermont, Boston, Banff, Vancouver Island… to just name a few… I enjoyed going to, speaking at and meeting everyone everywhere I went.  If there was a bad experience, it is clearly overshadowed by all the good because I can’t pinpoint a significant negative.

Last year I also accomplished two huge goals of mine: speaking in S California and speaking on the main stage at the SADD Nationals, held in Chicago, Ill.  Yep, it was a doozy of a year.  I think my presentations were at their best, and the amount of people reached and touched last year blew me away!  I must’ve received at least a couple thousand emails and Facebook messages, and as far as I know I responded to everyone.  It actually was a little overwhelming at times!  Yep.  It was one Hell of a year!

But by the end of the school year I was feeling absolutely run down and out of gas.  The amount of travel I was doing week after week after week started to take its toll on me, as did the ever growing pressure I felt to try to respond to an ever growing email load.  It’s funny though.  I remember it was almost like I was watching some of my more hectic moments from the sidelines simultaneously as I was living them.  Like I would take a step back, ask myself can I keep this up, ponder the answer for a while (well aware I was burning out), and then dive back in for more.  It’s hard to turn your back on people when they reach out to you for help. 

It all pretty much took over my life and became almost like an addiction for me, in that I just couldn’t stop or slow down.  Many days I would spend an accumulative 15, 18, 22 hours between the travel, speaking, writing… and if I had a chance, I’d sleep.  I remember two different occasions where due to travel, time changes and early bookings I set my alarm for 1 hour and 2 hours of sleep, and then I put in another 20 hour day the next day, speaking twice, driving, flying…  It was knarly!    It got to the point where four hours of sleep were a good rest for me.  Coffee became my fuel each morning.  And the ever growing amount of positive feedback I was receiving from people provided the motivation and inspiration to keep going when I felt like I had no more to give.  It was super intense, to say the least.  Have I said that already?

Now I am not looking for a pat on the back or sympathy here.  I am just stating the way in which the year ended.  I recall finding comfort during some of those knarly long days or road trips thinking “Rock stars do this.  They perform every day of the week in different cities.”  Then I’d think, “But they don’t perform twice a day!  They don’t travel solo either.”  Truly I was burning the candle at both ends.  But as always, I knew that if I just hung on and persevered I would pull through and have a summer to chill.

Now I hope this doesn’t come across as me bitching.  I am not trying to.  I pride this blog on being an honest slice of life, and I truly believe that the reason I have been gone from these pages for so long is because I needed a very long break.  A break to recupe, reflect and re-evaluate everything.

So as summer approached, things were still moving at a rapid pace.  I had my busiest June ever speaking-wise. June was also a month where my speaking range was tested.  Besides speaking in the familiar venues of schools and conferences, I found myself presenting to an older set of ears in a number of LaFarge gravel pits around the Greater Vancouver area.  It was a different audience for sure, and actually pretty cool!  It was kind of like coming full-circle in a way since before the crash I had worked in a gravel pit.  My career goal back when I was 21 and walking around was to be an electrician.  Now 11 years later I find myself speaking where I used to work to people doing the job I had once planned to do.  I definitely had some moments in the gravel pits this June where I wondered “what if?”…  It made me think about the chair for sure and the contrast of careers.

Probably the ultimate presentation of the year and my speaking career was presenting in Chicago at SADD Nationals.  This was as big of an opportunity as I’ve ever had, and I went in guns a blazing!  I remember feeling like I nailed the presentation.  I think I got, not one, but two standing ovations in The Windy City.  In the aftermath of my formal presentation I was approached by countless students, teachers, advisors and others from all over the USA asking if I would speak in their respective schools, cities and states.  It was awesome for sure!  And I remember feeling so stoked at the perspective of going to all of these new places and meeting all of these new people and having yet another epic year ahead.  But at the same time I also felt a bit unsettled…  Maybe it was just me… I actually think it was probably just me…  But I was definitely questioning a recent choice I had made and it’s possible impact on the future of my speaking.

Here’s where it all began…

May last year: me, my girlfriend Jen (who was a new girlfriend at the time), my buddy Nick and his girlfriend Tia took a trip to Vegas.  It was a decadent trip.  A punk rock trip…  The BYO Punk Rock Bowling Tournament was actually in town.  We found this out after booking our trip, so learning of the punk connection was a sick surprise!  I think it’s safe to say we all had a blast. The days were short and the nights were long. It was hardly an educational trip, though I did learn a valuable lesson in the debauched desert oasis: What happens in Vegas doesn’t always stay there.  Now, thankfully, my lesson wasn’t reminiscent of Jeffrey Tambour’s characters fatherly advice from the first Hangover movie.  Nope.  Thank Hank I did not come home with an STD.  I did come home with some marks on my body though; ones that would stick with me for life.  

 I’m not sure if it was a 1/3’s life crisis (I’d hate to think I’m at the halfway point); maybe a hedonistic act of rebellion, possibly a way to take back a part of the life I felt I had in many ways given almost entirely and selflessly to others in the past months.  Maybe it was inspired by this trifecta of reasons (oh and add some silly juice too).  Whatever the reason or reasons, Well past midnight on the first night in Vegas, after watching Guttermouth play some dingy punk rock bar, I rolled my butt into a tattoo shop on Freemont Street and got four little letters tattooed across my knuckles that would forever change my image.  For better or worse is for you to decide.  Nope.  It isn’t JWYT (Just Wiggle Your Toes – a motto from my presentation I had previously considered as my first tattoo)… Umm think a little less motivational.  Fortunately not as bad as either of Steve-O’s timeless knuckle masterpieces (look those up yourself if you don’t know).  I decided jokingly but 100% sincerely to forever be branded with an acronym that me, many of my friends and even a few in my family: mom, cousins Donna, Wade, Kyla and others had been tossing around.  Yep.  I forever branded my right knuckles G F Y S.

Now maybe some are shocked as you read this.  Maybe some of you are wondering wtf does GFYS stand for??…  Maybe some are wondering what does WTF stand for?  Figure it out.  Let’s just stick with GFYS and say it’s open to interpretation.  Go Find Yourself is one possible meaning, and you can stretch that one a bit and likely figure out what I was aiming for. 

Now bare in mind, I am a motivational speaker.  Maybe you already thought of that.  And if so, you probably also thought of the fact that I hold a mic with my hand as I speak to countless people each year.  Suddenly that hand that holds the amplifier of my motivational wisdom is branded with four letters.  Four letters which to some may seem a little contradictory to the inspiring words being propelled from my mouth.  These thoughts definitely have crossed my mind.  Maybe a conflict of interest.  Maybe not.  I’d like to think not.  But I can only really speak for me here.

I recall being really stoked on my new tattoo until roughly and precisely the following Tuesday: My first presentation with my new knuckle art.  I remember speaking and at the same time looking at my hand.  I wondered should I hide it?  Should I crack a joke about it?   I don’t normally second guess myself on stage or at all really, so this feeling was not one of comfort.  At worst I felt kind of like two people - a bit torn…  But as I reflect now it seems almost fitting because over the past years I have felt torn before over rowdy me and inspirey me (love making up words – my blog – my rules!). 

First off, I’d like to say, I don’t regret the tattoo.  Actually I have no regrets period.  I choose to learn lessons rather than harbour regrets.   In fact, I think my tat’ is  hilarious.  And for anyone that knows me, and I mean really knows me, they probably aren’t totally surprised I got it.  And likely any who are shocked are not altogether shocked because shocking people is something I have always enjoyed doing, and by knowing me you would of course know that.  This has been going on for years!  One example: Back in grade 8 I got my buddy Chris Beeksma to shave a four letter word beginning with F into my undercut (undercuts were also called skater-cuts circa the early 1990’s).  I thought I was pretty badass.  My mom was CHOKED!  My dad wanted to strangle me.  I freakin’ loved it!  And really, who was I hurting?  Yep, I have always had a rowdy, unpredictable, saucy side that keeps life interesting and keeps those around me guessing.  Maybe not everyone reading this knows that because I can’t exactly show you and tell you everything when I am say speaking to a room full of teenagers, BECAUSE there is a level of resposibility that comes with being a respected motivational speaker with a story that can change people’s lives.  I try to balance both.  For me. For you. Can I be both?    But sometimes I wonder where to draw the line between the two?  I gotta tell ya… I am not a saint.  Never was a saint.  Never will be a saint.  Never have or will claim to be a saint.  In fact I’d love to litter this blog with F-bombs, but it might offend someone somewhere who decides I am not a good influence.  Once labelled as a bad influence, I might not get that invite to give the presentation that could save however many other F-bombers F’n lives because they’re F’n F-bombers too who only relate to an F’n F-bombing F-bomber like their F-bombing F’n selves.  There are certain parts of my lifestyle whether it be the music I listen to, my true demented sense of humour and what I find funny and entertaining; my beliefs, my values, my definition of right and wrong, what I might want to do with my free time, etc that others may not agree with.  How do I please everyone and still be happy with myself.  Here is the live wire (Rad Motley song) I perpetually try to balance upon.

Some people have asked me “will that tattoo affect you speaking?”  I say I don’t know.  I hope not.

I’ve actually been wearing gloves to most presentations this year, but I can’t say I feel good about that move.  I understand that there is a level of censorship that comes with speaking to youth.  And depending on where I am this censorship can be increased or decreased.  Some would call it knowing your audience or conforming to the masses, which I have to shiver a bit as I write because punk rock F-word headed me never wanted to conform, and GFYS knuckle me obviously still doesn’t really either.  But conformity and compromise probably will get me further than stubbornness and confrontation.  Happy mediums.  Life is all about em!  I begrudgingly accept.  But does G F Y S cross the line?

In a perfect world, I could just say whatever I want whether I am holding a mic or not; whether I am chatting to teenagers, or hanging with my friends or family.  Just give’r eh!  But even though this wouldlikely go over great with some (I’m pretty confident most teenagers aren’t as sheltered as some would like to think) , it would surely upset others.  And likely those I upset would be the ones who make the choice to bring me back or recommend me to others.  A friend once said “teachers with their students are like a mother bear with her cubs.  They protect, and if you show any signs of threat you will get torn apart.”  Fair enough. 

I try to not piss off teachers and administrators.  I wouldn’t say I try hard.  I am much more concerned with the youth relating to me, respecting me and trusting me than getting some administrative types ginchies in a bundle.  I believe this edge I have is what makes me a refreshing change from the average high school speaker.  I don’t even know how many times I have heard “I thought it was just going to be the same old don’t drink and drive, don’t do drugs, waste of time assembly where I put on my iPod and zone out for an hour while my butt goes numb, but yours was different.  I ACTUALLY LISTENED.  I ACTUALLY LEARNED SOMETHING.” I’ll go on the record right now and say when people stop listening and learning I will stop speaking.  I am actually pretty tired of hearing me speak.  I do this for others.  Not me.  But I do have to do some things to keep me sane and to keep me… well me.  So where is the balance?

Just how much of uncensored me is appropriate probably depends on the school, the city, the state or province or country.  Everywhere is different.  Some places I just give’r… let er fly… a few indiscretions are overshadowed by the important, potentially life saving lesson learned by the students wh HEARD me. I have also been places where I feel like I am not able to just tell it like it is.  There have been recent times when I have travelled a long way from home only to learn the expectations of me and what I am about to say are not exactly who I am and who I was hoping to display.  But someone just flew me across the country and rented me a car and put me up in a hotel, so I have to respect their wishes.  Sadly I often feel at these times like something is lost in the translation of who I really am and what I truly want to say, and that what of is expected of me and what I end up saying.  Ever watched the movie Good Fellas on a primetime tv chanel.  Sucks eh?  Ever heard a real kickass song on the radio where they beep out that curse that really just drives the point home?  Loses something doesn’t it.  I’m not saying I want to swear my face off in my presentations.  These are just my best examples I could think of.  I’m trying to make a point how censorship of any kind buggers me up.

This stuggle has been weighing heavily on me lately – heavier this school year than ever before.  I keep second guessing myself.  I feel apprehensive about just letting er fly.  And this makes me feel off my game.  It’s freakin November and I am still trying to find my groove.  Before each presentation I look at my hand and think of this awesome GFYS joke for my presentation, then when push comes to shove I worry it’ll be considered too far? I chicken out.  I play it safe. Then later I usually leave the school and wonder when I became such a wimp that I started to worry about what others think so much.  I turn my stereo down a bit because it might be too loud for the people parked beside me at the red light… Ugghhh.  Did I really just do that??   I didn’t used to worry about offending someone or saying or doing the “wrong thing.” And I never started this gig to be this poster boy for something someone else wants or believes, especially if  that doesn’t reflect what I want or what I believe or who I am.  I used to feel secure in the balance…  Maybe not always, but for the most part.  And before when I felt these feelings of turmoil I could usually figure it out pretty quickly and save face.    Lately when I contemplate these things I actually feel tired.  I’ve even considered throwing in the hat and changing paths more than a few times in the past couple of months.  And that really tears me up. This thought scares for many reasons.  Years ago I gave up the educational direction I was pursuing and a good job to speak full time.  I put all my eggs in one basket, so to say.  And I did so because I thought it was the right thing to do and the best thing to do – for me and for all of the people I could reach. I don’t like to bail on anything.  I don’t like to quit.  I always FIND A WAY. And even as I write these words and express doubts I have had  I do know that at the best of times, I am doing something that I love, that is important to many and that brings me more purpose and happiness than anything else I know.  

I have been returning to this blog for a week: writing, editing, cutting, pasting, deleting, writing, editing…  Writing these words is my way of not only expressing myself to you who read them, but also how I am bringing myself to understand what it is I am feeling and what it is I am going to do about it.  I’ve considered scratching this blog altogether, but I haven’t and won’t because deep down I know I need to put this out there.  I know that as I think outloud via writing and simultaneously read between the sometimes contradictory sentences and paragraphs and lines I write there is something of deep meaning, value  and significance here.  Maybe not-so-much for you.  Hopefully though!  Definitely for me.  I find writing and articulating my feelings and thoughts allows me to sort them out.  I suggest this exercise to a lot of people who write me when a relationship ends, a loved one dies, they’re dealing with depression, whatever…  I find it so therapeutic to write.  If I can’t work it out in my mind.  I work it out in some creative form.  My creative form is writing.  You are getting a glimpse inside my mind and how it works.  Scary eh?

I’ll say at its last edit, this blog was pretty dark.  It wasn’t that positive.  It reflected how I was feeling at the time, and there wasn’t really any resolve.  I had put down a lot of the negative feelings, but hadn’t made sense of them yet or figured what to do next.   Then yesterday afternoon a series of events just turned everything around.  These ‘events’ were emails and Facebook messages from young people I have spoken to as recently as last year and as long ago as three years ago whose lives were forever changed by the inspiration they took from my presentation.  Young people who have cut themselves; young people who have considered and even attempted suicide wrote me yesterday.  Four of them did.  And it wasn’t like I had sent a message to the world “I am down. Questioning it all.  Pick me up!” at least nothing formal or on paper or in the cyber world was written (unless you count my rambling rant two nights ago on Facebook about the abuses of those in power.  That could’ve been seen as a sign something was not altogether great for me right now for sure.  But as harsh as that rant was I believe it is true, but maybe as my sister said I should keep my politics to myself). Where the F was I?  Oh yeah, one by one by one by one these inspiring messages appeared in my inbox yesterday.  I read each of them on my Blackberry and felt this resurgence of pride, confidence, motivation and inspiration.  These messages reminded me that even if I find myself second guessing my chosen path at times, I need to keep speaking. 

Today was yet another reminder that speaking is what I need to be doing with my life.  I spoke at Rick Hansen Secondary School in Abbotsford and had over 800 students seemingly captivated, and at the very least respectfully listening for an hour.  Many approached me after with hugs and thanks and praise.  And the feeling I have been missing and yearning and searching for that I felt so many times last year and in years past came back to me.  This familiar and undescribable feeling that makes me feel the highest of highs just filled me up and gave me what I have been missing.  It hit me hard.  And in such a GREAT WAY!  The doubt, the fear, the unanswered questions - Gone.   GFYS knuckles or not, I inspired young people today. 

People, I really needed this kick in the ass.  And now as I feel like the monkey is off my back and that the unrest is finally settled, I’m super stoked on the year ahead.  Last year was EPIC.  For all that I accomplished and all that I sacrificed and overcame I might as well have climbed Everest.  A week ago, a month ago, a couple months ago I felt like I was looking back up at another mountain with no energy left to climb.  But I found it.  And I AM STOKED!   In hindsight I probably needed this challenge to overcome and inspire me to be better.  Change is usually pretty scary.  But overcoming a challenge is always better than admitting defeat or wallowing in woe.  Here is another year, and it’s time to yet again adapt and find new balance - balance I have obviously (from the words I just wrote) needed to find.  I’m jacked right now people!!

I am stoked that I have a talk tomorrow with ICBC’s Trade Off Program!  I am jacked about the 20 presentations I’ll be giving in the next two weeks in Manitoba sponsored by MPI.  I can’t wait to see what comes of all this practice and where my story goes in these coming two weeks.  Then after that epic tour I am stoked to speak in Saskatchewan, Vancouver and Vermont to close out November.  Then the rest of the year ahead. DUDE!  Look out.  KEVY METAL is back!!  

PEOPLE!!!   I hope this blog helped you better understand who I am.  It definitely did that for me.  And you know what…  I plan to kick some serious ass this year and if you don’t get it or dig it…  GFYS.  I hope you got the joke!

Thanks for reading (The BLOG IS BACK!!)

Kevin Brooks aka KEVY METAL

These emails you all send me never cease to surprise me, inspire me or make me smile!

At a time where it is very hard to be on the road because there is someone special and new whom I miss a lot and I have been on the road for months and I months it is the countless messages like this one that give me the boost to keep going!

Hi Kevin, my name is —— and I was at the presentation at Bert Church High School on May 9th. I hope I’m not keeping you awake because you’re busy reading all of these emails.

I just wanted to tell you how truly inspirational and empowering I found your speech to be. It truly touched my heart, and unlocked feelings that I had been holding secret for a long time.

About three years ago, a friend of mine, her name was —— was killed in a car accident caused by drunk driving. A close friend of hers was in the truck with her also, and her boyfriend was driving. They swerved off and down an embankment. She flew through the windshield and was killed on impact because she was not wearing a seatbelt.

Even though I did not know her as well as I used to, the impact was staggering. I cried for days; it was difficult to come to terms with the fact that a life that was so fragile, and so young was taken so suddenly, and all because of one bad decision.

When you were talking about how difficult it was for you, and your family, and everyone else around you to accept what had happened, I felt as though I could relate somehow to your feelings. A massive wave of grief came over me during the presentation, and suddenly I realized that I could not keep all of my feelings bottled anymore, and I broke down into tears. When everyone in the theater stood up for a standing ovation the energy was so powerful; For a moment I realized that I was not alone in this struggle to find peace among the wreckage.

You reminded me to appreciate what I take for granted in my life. I thought about everything that I do in my day that seems so simple, walking to school (and how much I hate the climb up the hill), washing my hair in the shower, being able to get dressed, and most of all– being able to wiggle my toes. Wiggling my toes has become a part of my daily routine now. Whenever I feel stressed, or like I’m acting like a spoiled brat! I just wiggle them, and it brings me right back down to earth. (And thank God for that).

The speech also taught me about being patient, understanding and showing appreciation when it comes to the people who are in my life. Before now, I didn’t even consider the fact that they could slip away in the blink of an eye.

Appreciation is what it takes for a person to have
no regrets when everything does come to an end. I promise that I won’t ever get behind the wheel of a car after I’ve been drinking, and I plan to volunteer to be designated driver, hahah– I just want to see my friends get tucked into their beds safe and sound. I promise that I’ll help my mom more, and treat my boyfriend like gold, and appreciate all he does for me.

Thank you again, Kevin. We’d love to have you come back to Bert Church! You’re welcome anytime you’d like to stop by

P.S. I’m still wiggling!

… And this why I do what I do. Thanks so much to the author of this email. Thanks to every single other person out there who writes me, shakes my hand, hugs me, shares a story with me and just shows me that you appreciate my words, my time and my messages.

You make it worth while!!

Sincerely,

Kevin Brooks