I was at your presentation today at Montpelier High School, and I just
wanted to say what a great job you did. When you talked about people
who had sent you their stories, and how they overcame these obstacles
presented to them, I started to appreciate what a good thing you had
done by taking your experience and channeling it into something
beneficial to high schoolers everywhere. That being said, I want to
share my story with you. It isn’t one of bad decisions, or regrets,
but of making something positive from a tragedy.

My dad and I were always really close. I was born on his birthday so
he would bring me on what he called 9/16 dates, because September 16th
was our birthday. He would take me to concerts he reviewed for the
newspapers, and musicals to inspire me to keep singing. He always
pushed me to perform whenever I could, and he would stand a beaming
father in the crowds as I sang the National Anthem at nearly every one
of my home varsity basketball games. Music was always a connection. I
can’t remember there ever being a quiet moment in our house. Not
because of loud kids, or hectic lifestyles, but because he was always
playing music. So it hit me pretty hard when the music stopped. In
September of this past year, the day after our birthday, my dad had a
massive heart attack, and collapsed while mowing the lawn. My 10
year-old sister had gone to get him a soda that he asked for minutes
before, and she returned to find him on the ground. It seemed like it
took forever for the paramedics to arrive, and they began to pump his
chest for hours it seemed. Eventually they rushed him to the hospital,
but upon arrival, my sister, mother and I were told that he was gone.
I remember calling my brother, a sophomore at Georgetown University,
and hearing him, my strong, tough, older brother break into tears. He
was 54, a tall, hardworking journalist with a big heart that had
previously been perfectly healthy, and exercised regularly. It wasn’t
fair. The next few weeks were pretty difficult, but nothing compared
to now. With family in and out, neighbors and everyone offering their
condolences, the house didn’t feel quiet, and certainly not empty. It
all happened on a Saturday, and I returned to school on Tuesday. I was
worried about getting behind, and eventually stressing myself out more
in the long run, so I stuck it out the same way my father would have
encouraged me to. Everyone was surprised to see me, and tried to hide
the shock on their faces but obviously, I still saw it. No one knew
what to say to me, and all I knew how to say was thank you to anything
they did say. All I wanted to hear was his voice. I wanted to hear the
same thing he had told me every night before I went up to bed, “You’re
a good kid, Jules. I’m proud of you. I take back all the mean things I
said about you.” (He was quite the jokester.) All I wanted to hear was
the music.

I had just began piano lessons, where I learned chords so that I could
play a few simple riffs, and I had written a few songs, but nothing
impressive. One day, nearly a month after his death, I sat at my
keyboard practicing, when all the right words just came to me. I
called the song, “Stand Tall.” I subtle joke on how he would have
scolded my posture, and also what he would have told me as a life
lesson. I performed it at a school assembly, somewhat like the one you
gave. And everyone told me how strong I was and how pretty the song
was, but all I wanted to hear was my Dad saying, “I’m proud of you,
Jules.” To this day, I don’t feel strong. I dealt with losing him
through the only way I knew how. The only way that made sense to me,
the only way I knew he would hear me and know that I was missing him,
too.

So I suppose that my purpose of writing to you is to say that I
understand your point in never taking anything for granted. He had
heard me sing around the house, in the shower, and in the car but
never something I wrote, although there was plenty I could have showed
him, but I was embarrassed because I didn’t think any of it was that
great. I know he would have been proud. Since “Stand Tall,” my first
youtube upload, I have written, performed, and covered songs for 12
other videos in hopes that if I sing loud enough, he’ll hear me.

Stand Tall

That is the link to “Stand Tall” and I hope my telling you all of this
speaks to you, in a sense that your story inspired me to tell mine,
one that I don’t talk about often because it’s painful. YOU did that
by sharing your story. I write music in the hope that the words I can
string together will mean something to someone else, change something,
or help them find the right words to say what they need to say. To me,
it seems like you tell your story for the same reasons. In the hopes
that it will inspire others to change, to never take for granted, and
to show that there can always be a silver lining.

Thank you for inspiring me to speak up.

Julie Curran

The following is one of these stories…

Relating to Kevin Brooks                   April.10th 2012
 
 
            What if you woke up one morning and you couldn’t wiggle your toes? This is a question that Kevin Brooks asks many youths every day. This morning Kevin Brooks came into my school to tell his story. Kevin was once an able young man with nothing to handicap him, but because of a car accident that involved alcohol he is now in a wheelchair for possibly the rest of his life.

This presentation really hit home for me, I was almost in tears for the majority of the presentation.  In this story Kevin mentions how his friend Brendon was killed in his accident. Unfortunately, this reminds me all too much of what happened to my own mother. This presentation brought up so many emotions and thoughts that were lurking deep inside of me. Since you’ve already heard Kevin Brooke’s story, I am going to share with you my story which I should also call our story.

I remember one morning I was sitting on the couch with one of my best friends when my dad walked in and told me my mother was in the hospital. My heart immediately dropped.  He told me she had only a 10% chance of living. I was not surprised to hear what happened, my mother had been in a car accident. The driver was her boyfriend who no one in the family liked very much, and he was drunk. Just like in Kevin’s story, the passenger was injured much more then the driver. The paramedics found my mother dead, not dying or about to die, she was actually dead. It was a miracle they brought my mother back to life. She was medevaced from the island to Vancouver General Hospital because she needed brain surgery. My dad was never the type of person who could handle seeing someone he cares about in pain. When he walked into the hospital he collapsed and almost fainted, and he had to leave. It was the most horrible thing I had ever seen. My beautiful mother was now this lifeless, bald woman lying in a hospital bed. I was heart broken, crying my eyes out. My mother couldn’t talk but she could hold a pen in her hand and try and write things to us. You will never ever guess what she wrote… “Take me outside for a smoke.” Thinking it was just the drugs making her say something crazy I responded by saying, “Mom you’re laying in a hospital - you can not go anywhere, especially not for a smoke.” After that, she wrote, “What are you, new?” This is the moment where I knew everything was going to be okay. My mother always said that and it made me realize that under all those bandages she was still there.

Days passed and everyday my sister and I bussed to the hospital after school to see her. Weeks later, she was released and she stayed at my house.

 Seeing her in a wheel chair was devastating. Time went by and my mom progressed. Now, years later my mom can walk and talk and she is doing great. Since she is doing so great it’s hard to remember that for her, everyday is a struggle. It’s sad to know that these limits have been placed on my mother. That one night, that one mistake controls almost everything she does. Its hard for me to even write this right now because I’m so upset and almost crying. I think that what Kevin is doing is great because he is right, tragedies like this effect so many more people then just the people directly involved. I can’t go around to schools and tell people about my mom’s story and my point of view of it, but it would make me so happy if maybe he could stop someone else from making such a stupid mistake. I would never ever want any other family or person to have to go through what my mom and my family goes through.
 
Thank you for taking the time to read my story , well , “our story”

I feel I should add to my last blog that my experience in South Dakota at the first ever State SADD Conference was excellent!! In fact, I received the first ever standing ovation at the first ever South Dakota State SADD Conference. An honour for sure! The people were great. The weather was great. The accommodations were great. I hardly wanted to leave. Staying on the banks of the Missouri River in Oacoma, SD in late March you’d hardly expect sunny skies and temperatures in the high 20Cs. I bet in March’s past the temperature only has reached 20F! But summer came early this year, and I was loving it!! Yes, all in all it was a great trip.

I hardly had a chance to rest once I got home from the 17hour trip back west because I was on a plane not even 24hours later headed for Regina, Saskatchewan. Once in Regina I would rent a car and drive to Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan and speak the following day – Monday. The presentations went very well in Moose Jaw. I really felt on my game and got lots of great feedback.
I had hardly finished speaking and then I was on another plane back west, but not quite all the way west to home.

I landed in Kelowna Monday night met by my cousins. We went out and had a great time - typical Kelowna trip except I had to speak the next day. I did speak twice the following day at Okanagan College with my friend Christine from ICBC. I was feeling a little worse for wear when I woke up Tuesday morning in Kelowna. In fact, I slept in. Not so much that I missed my presentation in the morning, but I did have to haul ass out of my room to get to the venue on time. Thankfully Christine was driving!! I don’t think she bought my excuse that my alarm was still on Saskatchewan time though. I realized after I said it that this would have meant me waking up and hour early not an hour late. Good one!!

These presentations went well in Kelowna. Pretty raw actually. In a college I am not afraid to just speak my native tongue which occasionally involves the droppage of F-bombs. Nobody seemed to mind. Actually I got pretty awesome responses from the students at both presentations and was glad I had an opportunity to give them. Some grub and doghair at Joey’s afterwards before my cousin Alina drove me to the Kelowna Airport for yet another flight. This one – all the way home. Jen met me at the airport. What a sight I was by then. All the travel had started to take it’s toll. We listened to SNFU very loud the entire drive home. Thanks babe for the ride.

The next day I was up early again. I spoke at Pt Gray Secondary Wednesday morning and Windsor Secondary that afternoon; Guildford Park Secondary Thursday morning (great to see the principal and my buddy Mr Holland there and my grade 10 Science teacher – the former Ms Bujani). Thursday afternoon I was back in Vancouver at Gladstone Secondary for my first ever presentation there. It went super well! Then Friday morning I was at Lord Byng Secondary in Vancouver again for what must be my seventh or eighth presentation I have given there over the years. Most of these presentations were grade 11 or 12 presentations, and all of them had me leaving each respective school with a smile on my face.

The weekend was chill and thrill style. Friday I stayed home. Saturday, Jen, The Incredible BOYAD and Tia and me went to the Canucks game then hit the town. We skytrained and cabbed each way and all had a sick night. The only let down of the night was not being successful in our search for Chi Pig the singer of SNFU. He was not at his usual haunt, or should I say watering hole - The Cambie.

Monday I spoke twice at Walnut Grove Secondary and was fortunate to see my good friends Chelsea and also Leanne from ICBC there. CBC television came out as well. As soon as I heard they were coming I remembered this little rant I’d posted on my Facebook wall Saturday that went something like “Dear CBC GFYS! Why do you insist on showing this special on the Toronto Crappy Leafs when they don’t even have a playoff spot and four other Canadian teams do??!!” Assuming people may see me on CBC and then eventually find their way to my Facebook I figured this should be erased. Only problem I can’t erase Facebook posts from my mobile. CRAP!! Thankfully a quick BBM with my password and instructions to Jen rid my wall of any disses. I did still mention to the reporters at the tail end of my second presentation at WGSS(in front of the entire audience I should add) that they should “Play more Canucks and less Leafs!” Thankfully the CBC folks were good sports and actually ran one of the better and more accurate stories I have seen in recent media on my story.

Well we’re starting to bump our way downwards towards Washington, DC. I better pack this up and get myself as ready as I can to get off this plane as soon as I can. I have a very tight connection and the last time I was at this airport was a nightmare.

Wish me luck!!

Thanks for reading!!

Kevin

So it’s been a while I know, I know… I sort of just disappeared after my last presentation of 2011 aside from the odd Facebook or Twitter post.

I was chilling for the most part and hanging with my girl. There are certain times of the year (beginning now for instance) where home is more often a hotel in any given city than it is my own bed. So yeah, we took advantage and spent lots of time together with friends, family and our two kittens we adopted over Christmas: Zeke & Carmalita. Clearly I named em!

I spoke off the presentation rust a bit at the end of February then had a pretty busy first week of March booked until the teachers strike in BC. Support the teachers!!! They are only asking for better working conditions to do their jobs, which will in turn help all of the students in BC who attend public schools.

I did still manage to sneak a few talks in around home at the beginning of March and each one was a positive reminder of how much I love speaking. It’s kind of strange - my life that is. Either I am going hard, barely sleeping, speaking multiple times a day all over North America and responding to thousands of emails, messages,etc or else I have an inordinate amount of free time - tons of free time epseicially for someone my age. I do enjoy it. Don’t get me wrong. I often jab at my buddies who wake up every morning 5 days a week, almost every week of the year. One of my fav’s W-O-R-K?? (I spell it out if you aren’t following) implying I have never heard of the word.

Well in reality I work my butt of when the time comes. But never do I consider or label speaking in schools work. About the only part that can get taxing is all the booking of hotels, etc. But still I can’t complain. I love what I do and feel so very fortunate for the opportunity I have.

Mid-March I embarked on a tour (a rarely non-solo tour with Jen) to Massachusetts & New Jersey with some cool stops in between. Jen is my girlfriend. Or I am her boyfriend. I don’t like saying ‘My Girlfriend’. It sounds so possessive to me. I don’t know a better way to put it but whatevs that’s just me.

So yeah, I was stoked to have some company through all of my travels on the east coast. I had four talks in 3 different schools: Woburn Memorial High School, Sayerville War Memorial High School and Wilmington High School. The school in the middle turned out to be Bon Jovi’s old high school as well as the guitarist from Skid Row (old metal band who’s hay day was in the early 90s). I actually remember getting my heart broke for the first time in grade 6 and listening over and over to a love song / ballad by Skid Row called ‘I Remember You’.  I was such a skid growing up - still am too.  METALHEAD forever \m/\m/

All three presentations on the east coast were absolutely epic experiences for me. I hope the same goes for all on the other side of the mic. I met tons of great people, was treated like a King and got some awesomely inspiring feedback!!  I also got to see a few familiar friendly faces whom I’d met in past travels too.  Great to see Deb, Eli, Mohamed and others!

What was different on this trip was others was that I had plenty of free time between gigs. And having Jen along for the ride was a good motivation to seek out adventure. We saw all sorts of sick places!!

We went to Salem in Massachusetts and checked out the Witch Trial Museum and surrounding area. It’s a pretty creepy in a cool way city. It’s also on the water so we check out the Atlantic Coast and took in the fresh ocean breeze - a warm breeze at that - relative to the time of year!

On our way to New Jersey we drove through NYC, which was so cool! I have always wanted to see NYC, so after speaking at SWMHS on Thursday, as we made our way back to MA we stopped in NYC. We saw Times Square, ate sandwiches in Rupert G’s ‘Hello Deli’ under the studio where David Letterman  is filmed, checked out hard rock cafe (CBGB’s, The Ramones, early NYC Punk Rock) this was like Heaven to me then topped the tour off with a panoramic view from 86 floors above the city compliments of an Empire State Building Tour.

The NYC tour was the icing on top an already amazing day!!! The morning at SWMHS had gone so well. I can’t think of a better way to compliment it.

BTW: NO we did not go to Seaside Heights in Jersey Shore or the Shore Store. Though we did consider it, if only because it looks so sick on TV and I thought it would be funny to bring back some douchy Jersey Shore (the show) gifts for some of my buddies with good senses of humour.

As it turned out the only souvenir I brought back besides a couple for myself; some NYC shirts for the family and a million memories and pictures was a t-shirt for my buddy Scott I found on the way to Salem, MA. We were driving then Jen spotted it first - me about half a second later… A store called Bunghole Liquors. Now if you know me, have heard me speak or follow me in any way online you must know the potty humour I learned way back when I was just a wee lad has never left me. We quickly backtracked and looked around Bunghole Liquors (pretty ghetto in fact) and bought some souvenirs from there including two ‘I Got It In The Bungole’ t-shirts. Apparently, the hole in whiskey barrels are called Bung Holes. News to me! And good on the chain for having a sense of humour and naming their stores so awesomely.  They really should expand their brand if you ask me. Can you imagine Bunghole Toilet Paper; Bunghole Hot Sauce or Bunghole Indigestion Medicine!!!  The possibilities are endless.

The cherry or I guess I should say Shamrock on top of the trip was of course spending St Patricks’ Day in Boston this year. Sure I was there near March 17th last year and even took in an epic show. But this year I am proud to say I knocked a couple doozies off my bucket list in A) St Patrick’s Day in Boston and B) Dropkick Murphys on St Patricks’ Day IN BOSTON!!! Oh it was a fun weekend. We took in lots of sights and sounds. We made a bunch of new friends who were all in town for the same reason. It was an epic weekend, and Jen and me were both sad to leave Boston and the East Coast - especially considering the heat wave going on in that part of the country right now!! 

Currently I am in the air aboard a full capacity plane headed back east again to South Dakota via Minneapolis, Minnesota. Yep ‘On The Road Again’ very easily be my them song. Except the version for me would obviously be the Me First & The Gimme Gimme version.

It’s actually a miracle I am even on this plane. First of all, I never clued in that the borders might be crazy during one of the last days of Spring Break. I managed to squeak through in a little less than an hour thanks to a classic AM 730 tip off. I went Aldergrove crossing and avoided the 1 - 2 hour long waits at other crossings.

Once across the boarder, sun shining and a new destination to cross of my list ahead I was feeling pretty good. I was still close enough to the Canadian border to be listening to Team 1040 and their take on the cheap hit on Daniel Sedin by Duncan Keith last night when I heard a loud slapping noise coming from my truck. At first I hoped maybe it was just my wheelchair or baggage rattling in the back. But it didn’t seem to be the issue. I adjusted my mirrors to check my tires. They seemed fine and being only a few months old should not have been causing me trouble. Though for some reason this morning I thought I should check them out and make sure they were fine for my trip. But in the rush out the door in reaction to the border line-ups I never checked. Always listen your instincts right?  I should take my own advice!! Just as I was stressing I heard something bounce off my truck and the sound was gone. I figured crisis averted. I’d just ran over something and it had been stuck and finally released itself.

On with the journey I go, then my truck starts rattling pretty good. Being the optimist I am I considered it to likely be the familiar stretch of really choppy highway approaching Arlington, WA, but still was a bit concerned; then like before all of a sudden all was fine and the ride was smooth. Crisis averted again! Minutes later a lady drives by and gives me the ‘your tire is messed signal’.  Oh NO!!!

I pull over at an exit and sure enough my tire is mangled down to the rim. My flight is in 2.5hrs and I am at least an hour from the Seatac Airport. THIS IS NOT GOOD!!!!!!

I start tearing apart my truck looking for a tire iron, jack and the special key for my rims. Check. Negative. Check! REALLY NOT GOOD!!

I quickly call my buddies Jason and Cara from The Drive To Save Lives team who book me in the states. Jay suggested calling AAA. Sweet! I am a member of BCAA in Canada. I never knew that membership was North America wide.  I call in AAA in a panic. The lady is rad. I explain my situation and she tells me she’ll do what I can to get someone there asap.

Every minute counts at this point. I call the airline and let them know my predicament. Their only suggestion is to go online and check in that way in order to speed up the process should I make it to the airport in time. Mid-call a random passerby knocks on my window and offers help. He has a tire jack and loosens my bolts for me. Meanwhile I call Jay and ask him to check in for me online just incase and also to look for alternatives to my current route. He tells me he already has and my only alternative is to drive 22hours straight and hope I get to South Dakota in time. Yeah right dude!! On a spare donut!!! But thanks for the suggestion. THIS SUCKS!!!

Time is winding down.
I get out of the truck to help the random hero and see a tow truck. I look at the time. It just might be possible. The tow truck driver takes over. I shake random hero’s hand. In the craziness I don’t even hear his name as we introduce each other. I thank him and hop in my truck. I watch the clock as the tow truck driver does his thing. No more than ten minutes later he comes to my window and says “you’re good now Amigo”. Truly he is the SUPER AMIGO!! I pull onto the freeway - an hour to take off.

The temptation to speed was definitely there and I can’t say I didn’t go 5 or 6 miles over the limit here or there, but I know what I speak about and stand for so even a situation like this isn’t a good enough excuse to punch it and get to the airport in a haphazardly way or maybe not at all.

I park my truck close to the elevator. I grab my bags and race for the gates. My arms are toasted though from struggling to get my wrecked tire from the bed of my truck onto the passenger seat. No easy feat for a person in a wheelchair. But all I can think is just my luck someone will see my shiny rim in the back of my truck and conjure up some logical reason to jack it and make it their own.

I get to the gates and don’t even wait for the usual escort through the accessible fastpass line. I rip through and must look flustered because everyone is clearing the way. I explain at each checkpoint the situation. I’m so grateful that each airport official I encounter doesn’t let my story - one I’m sure they’ve heard various variations of over the years - fall on deaf or uncaring ears. I am whisked through security as fast as can be and continue my race for the gates.

I ended up making it with about one minute to boot. I fly enough to know that airplanes can only wait so long. And to further prove how lucky I am, sitting directly beside me right now is a distraught, sad looking sibling who’s sister was left behind in Seattle because of a last minute bathroom stop before boarding the plane.

Now here I sit bumping around in turbulence boardering making white knuckles grips. I’m somewhere over the midwestern states. The girl beside me is wearing a banadana over her mouth bandit style making me wonder if I possibly left a streak in my pants in my panic earlier. She might as well keep it on because these bumps aren’t exactly putting me at ease.

South Dakota SADD Conference here I come. One way or another I’ll see you all soon!

-:)

Kevin

The majority of the messages I get from young people these days deal with depression, suicide, self-harm.  Young people who are lacking purpose, or hope or motivation.  I relate to these young people who write me and just hope they get the support and help and find the strength to get past the tough times to find better days.  As I read, I often I recall some of my darker days when I was a teen or freshly injured after the crash and more than a couple times in years that followed thinking “F#ck it all. F*ck the world.  I wish I wasn’t here!”  There were times… I couldn’t imagine life getting any better…  I felt lost and without hope or motivation. 

But I never quit. 

And I am here writing these words right now only for this reason.  I NEVER GAVE UP!! 

Now, I’m not really religious so for me to write Thank God doesn’t really express my gratitude…  So instead Thank METAL I always dug myself out of these spots.  Thank My Family I never followed through with any of those thoughts of giving up.  Thank LIFE that I stuck it out and got through the times of confusion. 

I write this now and I am feeling so grateful for every second of life I have lived and will continue to live…  Yes, even the tougher ones…  It may sound crazy I know.  But you know what?  Overcoming those tough times taught me some tough and valuable lessons that have enabled me to hold my head higher, fight harder, smile bigger and live happier today than I ever have before.  The crappiest of times I endured indeed led me to a better place.  And they can for anyone who chooses to not give up; to think positively; and to find your way to a better day.

Here are two inspiring stories that were sent to me in the past month.  These are from teenage students who have found their way to overcome immense struggle.  I hope these stories inspire you who read them as much as they inspire me.  I hope they go to show that none of us are alone.  There is someone out there who cares.  Maybe not even a person…  But they care!  Hell, I care about everyone who writes me and everyone I speak to regardless if I’ll ever meet you face to face, or shake your hand, or hear your voice…. I believe we are all connected through the journeys through life we are each leading.  We can be bonded by our stories, whether they are happy or sad ones.  And by sharing our stories, we learn and we teach and we connect…

These stories connected with me.  BIG TIME.  And apparently my story connected with each author.  If you connect to these stories, please post a message.  Show your support.  Share your story.  We are all bonded by OUR STORIES.

Enjoy!

Mr Brooks,

Today you were at my school and you couldn’t have possibly noticed me out of all of those people in the massive gym, but we all noticed you and we all felt some kind of hurt by your story.

Your story moved not only me but all of the people in the room. Towards the end you spoke of a girl that was messaging you about her depression and cutting, you also talked about how no one is ever alone. You made me realize that there is at least one person in this world that might care and I have her. She realized I was cutting and she kissed my arms and told me she loves me and that everything would be okay. I never thought I would hear her tell me she cares as much as she does. We have been together for six months and she means everything to me. I have loved her for almost four years now and I never told her. Your presentation gave me the courage to admit everything to her about my depression, cutting, eating problems, and problems at home. We cried together, held each other and really opened up.

I want to thank you again for coming to my school and telling us your story. It means so much to me because it proved to me that no matter how much someone can go through they can still go on with life and wake up every morning, pull yourself out of bed and take your next breath. I must admit that I started to cry when you talked about your friend not making it out of the crash and when the slide show was playing showing everything that so many people take for granted, I guess when they say you don’t really know what you have until its gone no one really understands it until they actually do lose everything.

You are a very strong man for being able to pull through. I was upset this evening, I turned my iPod on high and was on the edge of cutting, but all I did was wiggle my toes and I thought that what if I cut too deep and died? I would hurt so many people that I love and I don’t want to do that, I have so much that I never thought that I would actually have to think about it and actually gain the courage to throw my blades away. I know we have never met in person you just talked and made me see my life in a whole new way. I love you for that. Thank you again

Dear Kevin,

Hi. I’m ______. I was at your presentation a few days ago…anyway. If you were to ask anyone about me, they would probably say I was crazy. Funny maybe. Sociable. All that shit. But inside I couldn’t stand it. Anything. I had already had a history with drugs because my family was in to that…yadda yadda. So I had easy access. And I wasn’t feeling good. I felt like no one knew me. So I started using pills. Not shit like Aspirin or Tylenol. Serious stuff like Concerta, which in case you didn’t know is called “speed” on the streets. I had a prescription for it, but I never used it. So it just collected up, then I started to use them. I would take like 8 days worth at one time. I’d feel as if the drugs were the only ones that could understand me. I live with my grandmother, and she doesn’t get me at alllll. I know she wants to help, but I don’t feel it. So that’s why I started pillin’. Finally, I realized how much of a bum I was. I was a druggie.

I hated myself, so then I started drinking, then eventually got back into drugs, more stuff though this time, like heroin, meth, cough syrup, bad stuff. Then, I thought, what was the point? I’m just taking up space. I felt as if it was me against the world. I knew enough about drugs that I knew what which ones could do what, the whole 9 yards. So I made a plan. I was going to take a mixture that would surely end my life. I had gotten it all ready the morning of your presentation. It was in my sock drawer. But then we had your presentation. It didn’t hit me until I got home. I got home, looked at the pills, then at my feet. I wiggled my toes. Then my fingers. Then I went outside, to where my dog was. “Can you wiggle your toes Buddy?”. He looked at me, then he licked my toes (I was wearing sandals). I went inside and got the pills, crushed them up, and went outside. I went inside the shed, got a shovel, and started digging behind my house. I dropped the napkin that the pills were wrapped in, and then I wiggled my toes again. Then I covered up the hole, put the shovel back. Then I went inside and got some dog treats for Buddy. I went outside to Buddy, I bent over and gave them to him. He didn’t eat them. He licked my toes again. Thank you

NEVER GIVE UP!!

The trip home was more of the same United incompetence I encountered on my trip to Vermont, but I bit my lip and secretly vowed to never fly United again.  What cheered me up and made it again worth while was reading countless emails from the students I spoke to earlier in the day.  Not to mention the fresh and fond memories I had from Colchester high warming my heart as I sat on that cold plane due west.

I read and I wrote.  I read and I wrote.  I read and I wrote….

Since I hit the road almost 3 weeks ago I have seen emails from each school I have been to.  I’d estimate that I have gotten over 500 emails in this time and have responded to almost everyone.  I still have some new ones from today to respond to.

This goes for anyone, anywhere reading this…

I encourage any of you who have written me to talk to the counselors and administration at your school about the issues you face in your personal lives and anything that may happen within the confounds of your school.  Every school I have been to whether it be in Canada or the USA has protocols and policies in place to deal with the issues that you bring to my attention and the challenges you face no matter what they are.  And if for some reason your school doesn’t have a protocol in place to deal with a certain issue, then I am sure if you talk to a counselor or administrator they will look into the issue and find a way to support you or whoever it is that needs the support.  Schools try their very best to be a healthy, positive and safe environment for students, and I fully support each school that has ever invited me in their doors to speak to their students and the intitaitives they put forward.

I need to remind everyone that I am in no way a professional counselor.  My advice comes from  the heart, and often times my own experiences which leaves much room for error or misconceptions.  All I can say here is I do my best to support everyone that writes me.  But I have to say it can be a daunting task at the best of times and can be very overwhelming for me.  On any given day I can pick up my Blackberry and I have 100 unread messages!!  But I just responded to 60 yesterday…  This is not uncommon.

I hear from people who are suicidal and depressed;  who are bullied and self-harming; who have lost friends and family and are grieving; who are abusing substances like drugs and alcohol; who have been abused, abandoned, are homeless and often times hopeless…  The list goes on and on and on.  Now of course there is the flip side to this.  I hear from people who are empowered and who write me positive messages about positive changes they have made or intend to make in their lives as well…  The latter are the easy ones to respond to.

I guess the point of this blog is to just come clean and tell you all I am only human - just like you.  Although my voice may reach the far corners of the gymnasium or auditorium this is likely because it is amplified by a mic.  I don’t wear a cape.  Only a wheelchair and I just do my best to help as many people as I possibly can.  But I can only do so much.

There are resources at everyone’s disposal whether they be in your school; your community; online or by picking up a phone and finding support.  Maybe it is family and or friends.  There are people in your life who can and will support you.  I am very grateful you come to me, but please also go to someone else because I truthfully (and I really wish that I could be) can’t be everywhere for everyone all at once.

I am not trying to bail on anyone here.  I encourage you to write me if it feels like the right thing to do.  I will continue to spend as many hours as it takes to write you back and offer whatever I can as advice or support.  But please don’t take my words or responses as gospel.  If you don’t agree with something I suggest, disregard it.  If you are unsure or uncomfortable about anything I might encourage feel free to write me back and voice your opinion or ask me what exactly I meant.

I am trying to do something positive here for a lot of people.  All I can do is try my best and hope that somehow I encourage people to make right choices and to also get the proper support that they need withing their own community.  It can’t just be me.  There needs to be someone else.  Maybe multiple someone elses. 

No matter what I say or write, at the end of the day it is the choices you make that will truly make the difference.  Only we can truly help ourselves…  And sometimes helping ourselves means getting support from others.  Nobody has to take the world on alone.

I was sent a really cool quote last week that I want to post here.  I changed it just a little to make it apply more to my own presentation…

“Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall”

It is ok to fall, just get back up.  And sometimes I even need a hand getting back up off the floor.  It’s ok to ask for help.  It’s ok to ask me for help.  But help me help you by also getting yourself some help and support in your own school and / or community.

I wish everyone a very happy Holiday Season.  This past month has been amazing!  I am so grateful for the people I meet on the road and hope to keep going strong all over N America in the new year!!

Before I go I have to thank again everyone from every school in this past month an beyond.  From BC to Winnipeg and the amazing MPI Friends For Life Tour to Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan to Colchester, Vermont…  You all have made for an amazing month that has truly inspired me and put a great big, giant, proud smile on this face of mine!!

Thanks,

Kevin

Today has been a long one.  I woke up at 4:45am and was out the door by 5:30am headed south for Seattle.  It was a relaxing drive, if you consider blasting Guns N Roses then Streetlight Manifesto’s entire song catalogue on random relaxing.  BTW Streetlight Manifesto are on tour and I’ll be seeing them in Vancouver in a  couple weeks not-to-mention Axl / G’N'R two days later.

Can I gripe for just a second??  Of course I can.  I’m composing this blog and I answer to no one!!

Now, I don’t like to bitch, but I have to say that United Airlines is a pain in the ass…  I get to the airport this morning to learn that somewhere in the chain of communication there was a broken link.  When I book flights, or my bro Jason books them for me to be more exact, he, I request accommodations for my wheelchair.  Well for some reason United Airlines seem to be united in their incompetence for relaying web information to their ticket kiosks.  It never seems to fail.  I roll up to the counter, usually at some ungodly time in the morning, and am met with a dumbfounded stare.  Never seen a wheelchair before?  I thought everyone watched Glee!! (I actually don’t, but they have a dude in a chair in the commercials).

So I explain that the back row of the plane / middle seat is a pretty awkward location for me.  Now, any other airline… Southwest, WestJet for example, have designated seats for such situations.  Oh Yeah… They boot your able-bodied asses out in a jiffy and hand your plush scenic real-estate to me.  Maybe you’re like Hey GFYS!  That’s why my window got jacked that time!!  Yes it is… And Thank You!

But think about it…  I get a couple morons usually who have no idea how to push the isle chair. (FYI The isle chair is half the size of a standard wheelchair and allows access for me to my seat. It has tiny wheels so the cripple or crapple sitting in it are unable maneuver themselves).  Thank God I can’t feel pain in my knees or I’d be screaming in agony the entire thud-thumpin’ (isn’t that a Chumba-wamba song?) trip to my seat!  Then I always get the side of the plane (state the obvious here - but there are two sides of a plane unless you’re on one of those big overseas planes, so domestic plane 50 / 50 chance) that doesn’t have retractable arm rests.  Yay! I love to be violated by arm rests in the morning.  It nicely compliments the awkward feel up I’m just beginning to try and emotionally deal with that I got in customs twenty minutes ago. Then they put me in the damn middle seat.  Might I add here that I go on the plane before anyone else…  So I sit like a jackass and wait for that poor soul who usually has a bladder the size of thimble to arrive (always his… never an attractive lady’s seat). My new neighbourino usually stares at me impatiently obviously and obliviously expecting me to stand up and make way… So this is usually cue to tell my damn life story, which I quite enjoy sharing with youth or intrigued audiences, but to not some random on a plane who now feels it is their duty to explain to me how sorry they feel for me. Do I really look like I want people to feel sorry for me??

FML!!

This is the average United experience.

… Now take the last three paragraphs and basically reverse them.  Yep, now I am off the plane.  But usually this is only half the battle.  Chances are I am in Chicago for a lay-over / plane change.  I realized tonight that I have made more visits for dinner to the Chicago airport in the last year than my mom and dad’s places combined.  And even Jimmy’s cooking shitbeats airport supper.  Actually Jimmy cooks pretty damn good and Ingrid is a wicked cook!

Still… After all that BS once I got my seat, a gracefully donated window seat compliments of a kind fella from Chicago, I was content… Happy even.  Between Seattle and Chicago, I viciously typed away on my Blackberry at my eighty - yep 80 - outstanding emails.  And one by one, as I read and responded, I was reminded why I go through this bullshit on a regular basis (not to say I haven’t been considering adding first class seating to my booking requirements from now on.  J’ take note). 

I read 58 emails and responded to each.  I never once tired of reading these inspiring messages young people recently sent me.  It really made the entire clusterfudge by Untited all worth while.  And so does a day like yesterday when I was invited back to Terry Fox Secondary in Port Coquitlam, BC to do what must be somewhere in the double-digits now of presentations.

Yesterday was another awesome experience at Fox.  So many have happened there too.  The audiences are always stellar.  I’m such a regular now that I am recognized by staff and students as soon as I pull into the parking lot.  Once out of my truck, I am welcomed with open arms, high fives, head nods and waves.  It’s like being the cool guy rolling into a party!  A role I’d like to think I may have played once or twice in my day!   Seriously, how many wheelchair puns are there in those last two sentences??

There is some great history between TF and KB…  We shot part of the Wiggle Your Toes documentary there.  The mom / paramedic story in my talk originated at Fox (for anyone wondering… A student years ago came home from my presentation to share with his mom what he’d just heard and turns out ‘mom’ saved my life the night of the crash).  And yesterday, to add to the list of great moments, a family who has a similar story to mine who I met through our stories, were in attendance.  It was very touching to me to have them there. The audience at Fox was once again stellar yesterday, so thanks to everyone from Fox!!  Oh and big props to my AV crew in the theatre.  I forgot to mention on top of all else that makes Fox an awesome place to speak, the facility there and great people working in it kick ass!!

Ummm….  We’re hitting some turbulence here, so I think it’s time to wrap up.  Being ping-ponged around in a plane and typing into a minuscule Blackberry screen kind of makes me feel nauseous…  I doubt that greasy burger I ate at the airport is helping much either.

I’d just like to end this saying despite the BS I sometimes deal with in traveling, it is all very worth it.  I’m stoked to be headed to Vermont and wouldn’t have it any other way…  Well unless Southwest flew here…

OK, I have to add this…  I am in my room now, but all that you just read wasn’t the end of the travel woes…

So plane arrives in Vermont and I finally am on the other side of the continent.  I go to the car rental desk, and the guy is super helpful.  He pulls the car around for me to make it easier.  They even have a hand control installed.  They never forgot!  How charming!!  So I get in the car and try to drive.  Well the hand control is installed so low that I can’t accelerate.  Gas is push down and my leg is fully in the way.  I have the seat back all the way, still, leg is in the way.  Coasting around in drive is not really an option.  20miles an hour ain’t gonna cut it on the freeway!  This day just keeps getting better.  Being in a wheelchair you get pretty good at problem solving…  FIND A WAY… Remember from my talk…  So, I figure out that if I cross my right leg in sort of meditating Budhist fashion and slide all the way against the driver door, so my bruised knee from isle chair in the plane doesn’t hit the shifter, I can drive.  It is totally uncomfortable and very awkward.  But YAY I can f’n drive!!

All worth while though…  All worth while…  Colchester, I’m counting on you to be a kickass audience tomorrow (today if you watched me and are reading this now).  I hope I didn’t Budha drive to your school and get a bunch of duds.  I look forward to your comments tomorrow.  I’m confident you won’t let me down one bit!!  This is what I went through to get here.  All in a day of the life of KB!!

I’m going to bed…  Sweet accessible f’n dreams!!

Kevin

I made my way home via Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan.  I spoke in the old bootlegging hub of the AL Capone era yesterday at Riverview Collegiate.  I was first one in a series of presenters and spoke to around 800 grades 7 and 8s.  They were an awesome crowd who came along for the ride that is my story, and for their great behaviour I rewarded as promised with a couple videos.  My bungee video seemed to get people stoked!

I hung around for the remainder of the day and watched and or helped other speakers with their AV.  I was even referenced many times in a paramedic named Ray’s presentation, which I was honoured to be a part of.  At the end of the day I was asked to kind of wrap things up.  I was happy to grab the mic as I always enjoy projecting my voice and being “on”.

I attempted a think tank, and got some good response, but after such a long day the students seemed more into just having fun.  SO we broke into an impromptu Q&A period where I was asked many different questions.  The range was wide…

Q If I could ever walk again, what would be the first thing I would do?
A A long walk on the beach with my sisters

Q What is my favourite element from the periodic table?
A HEAVY METAL (that one caught me off guard)

Q Why do I enjoy sharing our story
A I love to take the tragedy and bring something good from it

Q Do I like Beiber
A I don’t really listen to him, but I do respect a Canadian kid from Stratford, Ontario (where I spoke years ago) who has worked hard for what he has earned and is a great role model for young people

Q If I could marry a celebrity, who would it be
A Beiber

Q If I could go on tour with one band, who would it be
A This one kind of stumped me, so I fumbled a bit and someone yelled out Beiber, in which I replied I can’t tour with Beiber because I am going to marry him and I don’t want to mix business with pleasure…

The questions kept coming.  I finally had to end the day because school was over and rides home and buses were waiting.  It was an awesome experience being a part of Moose Jaw’s Addictions Awareness Day and I thank everyone who attended as a guest, speaker or supporter and especially Erin and her support team for all their hard work!

It was homeward bound from Moose Jaw via the Regina Airport and Calgary.  But before I flew, I wanted to eat.  I spotted a Five Guys Burger and Fries joint along the highway and stopped.  The place was absolutely JAM PACKED!  My friend Robyn who I met through SADD Saskatchewan years ago met me for burgers, and we were hard pressed to find a seat.  Then out of nowhere a young teen approaches me and says “Kevin, you spoke at my school today.  You want a table??”  SO AWESOME!  Here is another reason why I speak…  No not so much free tables at packed burger joints…  More the respect I get from young people.  This gesture totally made my day!  Thanks buddy!!  I hope you read this.

I should wrap this up because I have a presentation at Terry Fox in a little over two hours.  I fly to Vermont tomorrow as well, so pretty jammed pack week. 

Thanks for reading!

Kevin

I will be leaving Winnipeg in a few short hours, but not quite home yet.  I’ll actually be in all three Prairie Provinces at one point today, before ending my travels in Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan.  I really hope I can watch the Grey Cup on the plane and that the wheelie table at Chili’s in Calgary Airport is free, so I can watch a bit there between connections.

The Friends For Life tour ended on a high note for sure.  The final two days were everything I could hope for and more.  In fact, the entire tour exceeded my expectations.  And that was no easy feat considering after my tour here last February the bar had been set really high.

My final two presentations of the tour were Transcona and John Taylor.  My friend Monica from MPI accompanied me on both.  My morning presentation at Transcona went great.  The large audience, sitting on the floor, were perfect.  At the end of the presentation, I spoke with dozens of students and heard much great feedback.  The first student who approached me discreetly handed me a razor blade to throw away.  Pretty awesome!  That makes 3 in a year now since I began sharing Abby’s remarkable story.  This was my first Canadian razor blade I’ve been given to throw away.  If you’re not following the significance of this… someone giving me their razor blade is their way of saying I am not going to cut or self-harm anymore.  Pretty amazing moment, to say the least!

There were some knarly partier guys who approached me and told me repeatedly how my presentation related to them and their choices they have been making.  I explained to these dudes that way back when I first thought I should speak in schools; I pictured guys just like them “getting it” because they would be hearing a story by someone who is like them.  I trust these new friends made some better choices this weekend.  It was hard to leave the school.  People just wanted to hang out and chat, and I was more than happy to do so.  Before I did finally leave Transcona Collegiate I was given a pretty cool arm band.  It’s black and has a four letter word written in white letters.  The same four letter word that the letter on my right ring finger symbolizes.  It matches well.  I in turn passed along my 9 Lives Wildcats arm band, which brought on tears of joy and appreciation by its recipient.  It was a pretty awesome morning!

After a quick multiple appy lunch at Joey (why they changed the name from Joey’s I’ll never know – sounds so dumb!) we headed for John Taylor.  Candy, the counsellor from the Thursday afternoon’s presentation was there, so all was set up and easy breezy good to go.  There was a brief We Day presentation before I took the stage, which had me wondering about time.  I really didn’t want to rush my final presentation of the tour or be cut short.  But thankfully I was assured by one of the staff who seemed to make the decisions that I had all the time I needed.  Say those words to me, and you’re getting a long one!

The set up was kind of awkward, but likely the only option due to the size of the student population.  There were about 15 rows of chairs on the floor, making it hard for the majority to see me sitting and speaking at their same height.  There were small bleachers to my left and a second story section of filled bleachers to my right.  This was basically 3 set ups in one.  Thankfully MPI provided me with a wireless lapel mic, so I was able to be mobile and weave in and out of the crowd.  It added a new element to my presentation, and I enjoyed this final talk.  Every point that I have added and worked out over the past 17 presentations I had time to emphasize, elaborate and ad-lib.  I talked about violence and guns in relation to my friend Chris’s passing a couple years ago.  I tied this in with bullying and even added cyber-bullying after seeing some pretty disturbing Facebook stills sent to me via a bullied student from Vermont.  Bullying led to suicide, which led to Jordan’s story, which was wrapped up explaining how by adding these issues to my story I have heard from many more students.  Although it went really long, I feel this was one of my strongest presentations of the tour and the year.

I felt great as I rolled out of John Taylor.  I had just given my all in my final presentation of an 18 school tour.  Students had shown me their appreciation and so had staff.  I felt a great sense of accomplishment and secretly kind of wished I had one more week left to tour around Manitoba with MPI.  In less than a year I have spoken in 38 Manitoba schools.  I have spent many days and nights here, seeing the city and countryside, meeting people, dining occasionally wining.  I have met many great people who I know I will be friends with for a long time…  Maybe even Friends For Life…  Such a great name for a tour.  No I never came up with it and am not tooting my own horn here. 

I`d like to thank everyone from MPI, T.A.D.D., and Manitoba School Board for organizing and inviting me to be a part of these tours.  HUGE thanks to all of the schools for accommodating and welcoming me into your halls, gymnasiums and occasionally theatres.  MASSIVE thanks to all of the students who have cheered, laughed, cried, thanked in person or wrote me, given me gifts or taken one away.  I do this for you.  I am also very thankful for the staff at the Inn At The Forks and The Current Restaurant and Lounge where I have slept, eaten and lived for a good 3 weeks of the last year.  I feel right t home here and never want to leave.  Hence asking for an extension on my checkout this morning!

The journey continues this afternoon onto my next location, but none of you or these experiences will be forgotten.  I truly hope to be able to make Manitoba an annual stop in my travels.  I love coming here, and I hope you all love me coming here too!

Well, I better get moving.  I have a big travel day ahead and a football game to try and watch.  Go Lions!  Haha.  After this great trip, I won`t be upset of the Bombers take it though.  Winnipeg is like a home away from home for me.  Go Jets!

Bye For Now.

Kevin

I ended my first presentation this morning at Fort Richmond School in Winnipeg and watched my video and the audience as they watched it for the first time (all except the student who had seen me in Steveston / London School last year anyways – It was his second time seeing my video).  This feeling came over me.  It was a familiar one.  I have felt it before, but not enough for it to be at all taken for granted.  I don’t know the word or words to describe this feeling: Happiness, pride, gratitude, accomplishment, purpose, excitement.  All of these words fit, but not one alone begins to explain or justify this amazing feeling I speak of.  If you vocabulary is deeper than mine, please feel free to comment and help me on this one.

The video ends and I say exactly what I have been thinking through the entire video’s duration.  I can’t recall my exact words, but the jist of it was…  Eleven years ago when I was lying in a hospital bed, I would have never guessed I would be where I am today.  Lying in that hospital bed, my future seemed bleak.  It was terrifying.  So much so, I preferred then to not even think ahead of the moment I was living.  My world was broken.  I had broken other people’s world around me.  It was the worst feeling I have ever experienced.  But I never gave up.  I never quit.  I couldn’t.  I just kept going.  I was going forward, kind of, my life seemed backward.  Nothing was certain.  And I pretty much just existed with no plan and no goal other than survival.  Which leads me back to today.  I would never be where I am today, if I had of quit yesterday.  I am so grateful I never quit.  I am so grateful to be hear right now doing what I get to do each day.

After a standing ovation by the 1000+ attendees at Ft Richmond to glaze the cake, I spent well over an hour visiting with students and hearing their stories, and about their gratitude for me telling mine.  There is a chance if I didn’t have another presentation to attend this afternoon, I would still be at Fort Richmond right now.  I left the school on top of the world and want to thank everyone from today for being absolutely amazing to me.  Your were the perfect audience.  Thanks for the gifts, thanks for the thanks.  Many told me that today was the best presentation you had ever seen.  I felt as though today was as good of a presentation as I have ever given.  It feels pretty good to give your all and learn that it was recognized and appreciated.  Thanks, Thanks, Thanks!!

The only thing bad I can say about Fort Richmond students and staff is that you made it really hard for the next school to WOW me again!  You set the bar HIGH!

So I roll into Westwood.  And I will admit it is in the back of my mind that I am going to have a hard time topping the morning.  I learn that I am pretty tight on time on this second presentation.  But I see this challenge as a way to be inspired.  I have essentially two presentation scenarios.  I have one where I have all the time in the world to just relax and say what comes to mind.  The other, I have a certain amount of time to make every single point I want to make, and be heartfelt and effective.  The second is definitely more challenging, but who doesn’t like a challenge?

I dove into the afternoon presentation, speaking as quickly as I could while still making sense to my audience.  They were with me from the beginning.  And again there was that feeling.  I said everything I wanted to say.  I even made a few jokes.  The audience was there with me for the entire journey and by the end they were cheering for me so loud I could feel it rattle me from the inside.  What an awesome feeling again.  And as an added bonus…  some HEAVY METAL horns flying my way from the back row.  This afternoon presentation at Westwood complimented my morning presentation at Ft Richmond perfectly.  The ultimate one-two punch!  What an amazing day!  The BEST day!!

Thanks so much to everyone from Westwood today!  You were an absolutely amazing audience too.  You may not have known that the dude wearing a MANOWAR hoody sitting in a wheelchair before you had some HUGE expectations for you to fill when you first met me.  But if you’re reading this and I hope you are, I’d like to let you know that exceeded those expectations and blew me away today.  SO THANKS THANKS THANKS to you all!!

Tomorrow is the final day of the tour.  It’s hard to believe that I have spoken to 16 schools in 9 days all over southern Manitoba.  Each day has been an experience of a lifetime.  And as I sit here now writing this blog I just feel so grateful that I get to do what I get to do each day that I am here.  This tour is called The Friends For Life Tour and I feel like I have just made thousands of new friends.  I hope thousands of you feel like you have made one new friend named Kevin Brooks!

Speaking in schools wasn’t a plan.  I was going to be an electrician (I said this this afternoon) but sometimes plans change.  My greatest regret is that a young great man named Brendon lost his life.  And it will always hurt to know that my poor choice that night has hurt so many.  But on the darkest days, the light at the tunnel is the gleam in the eyes of thousands of teenagers who are hearing our story and having their lives changed positively because of it. 

I give you my all.  And you give me more than I think I could ever properly explain.  I hope this blog in the very least allows you to understand how much it means to me when you give me your attention and respect.  It means more than I think you know.

GIVE IT ALL

\m/\m/

Kevin